Welcome to the Expressive Arts Carnival! My apologies for being late to publish the entries. The March 2012 theme, see announcement, was to "make a simple shape on the page that represents a core belief that holds you back. Then draw (using the same pencil) around the first shape to represent support for change of that core belief."

Here are the entries in the order received.

Entry 1: Alice

New contributor Alice wrote: "The core belief that holds me back is the belief in innocence, or the belief that I'm not innocent anyway."

Entry 2: Algo4ME4Once

Algo4ME4Once titled her entry "Helping Arms/Hands" and wrote: "In Greek Mythology, Apollo tried to carry the weight of so much, that he fell apart. I recently got compared to Apollo, in that I carry the weights' of our human world on my shoulders', taking it all on, and it is one reason my body is even collapsing physically, so often. Sometimes I feel if I did not, then who would, not that I choose, it feels as if it just happens because I am human and really care a great deal about humanity. "

Entry 3: Wantstorun

Wantstorun wrote: "The central figure is a graphic "W."  A core belief we have is that we are *&^%#@.  Ways we are working to change that core belief are: Reminding ourselves of the present time; looking to our inner children, because don't consider the Littles to be *&^%#@; some use faith, and the acceptance we receive through the church; and we try to continue educating ourselves about trauma, PTSD, DID, and so on."

Entry 4: Castorgirl

Castorgirl wrote: "I started this drawing with the intent of showing how my feeling of standing on the outside of society, or being a "square peg" could be supported so that I could feel more included.  But, this seemed to morph into a piece which showed the highly defensive space that I'm in at the moment."

Entry 5: Paul

Paul (me) wrote: "I guess I put up the prompt knowing what I wanted to do. This is what I struggle with. The core belief is that I am worthless. The circles and curves are meant to help change that belief. It was all about process and intention."

That's all folks! Thanks to all those who contributed, especially those of you who are new. Thanks for taking a chance! If you think this Carnival is worthwhile, then let others know about it and we can continue to increase the contributors for future months.

The Carnival will now be on a bi-monthly schedule. Our next activity will be posted on or around May 1.

There once was a family who bought two dozen eggs to decorate for Easter. The Mom had gone to the local supermarket, but they were all sold out. She went to four other markets and they, too, were sold out. The Mom drove home dejected because her kids wanted so desperately to color eggs.

But as she was driving home, she saw a small old wooden sign at the end of a driveway. It said: "Special Easter Eggs For Sale."

The Mom breathed a sigh of relief and hoped that they still had some left.

She stopped in and went up to the barn. An older heavy-set woman was there. She had white hair, dirty glasses, and was wearing a tattered dress that had definitely seen better days. She looked a bit scary. But when the Mom went up to the woman to inquire about the eggs, she perked right up and had a huge smile across her face.

The old woman said "Yes, I still have Easter eggs." The Mom said "That's wonderful.! The sign in front says 'special' Easter eggs. What does that mean?"

The woman took a big sigh and said: "Oh. Well, all my eggs are special because they come from hens that grew up near the real Easter Bunny. I do have one 'special' egg left, but I can't tell you why it's special."

This intrigued the Mom. "What do you mean you can't tell me?"

"You would have to find out for yourself," replied the old woman carefully.

The Mom was curious. "Can I have one?"

The old lady said "The only way you can have the 'special' egg is if you make a promise."

"What's the promise?"

"You have to promise to take care of the egg for the rest of your life and it must pass from generation to generation."

"What?" exclaimed the Mom quizzically.

"You will see..." said the old woman as she got up from her chair.

The Mom agreed to the terms. The old woman wrapped up 23 eggs in cartons, and put the 'special' one in a big carton with all kinds of padding to keep it safe.

As the Mom left, the old woman said "Remember your promise..."

So the Mom took the eggs home to her kids and she told them about the 'special' egg, which by the way the Mom had not actually seen.

They colored all the regular eggs and then turned to the huge box with the 'special' one.

They were all excited to find out what it was like. They all said things like: "It is probably made of gold", "Maybe it's the largest egg in the world", "Maybe it's naturally rainbow colored."

But when they took it out of the box with all the padding, they all looked at each other in disbelief.

It didn't look very special.

In fact, it had thirteen cracks in it. There was egg yolk seeping from the inside that had gelled up and got hard. It was kind of disgusting looking. And it smelled too.

The Mom and older daughter thought they were duped by the old lady and assumed she just used the word 'special' on her sign to get people to buy her eggs. They were about to throw the 'special' egg away, when Dolly, the youngest girl, said: "I'm not so sure. I think we should keep the promise." Dolly set the egg aside carefully.

When the Dad came home from being away for a few days, Dolly and her Dad fixed all the cracks very carefully. They used a glue that was very rare and specially made for fixing delicate objects. They worked for hours and hours until the egg was stronger than any other egg in the world.

When they were done, Dolly placed it on a small red velvet pillow on her Dad's dresser where he keeps all the objects his kids have made for him.

The egg stayed there for years. Every week or so, Dolly and her Dad would clean it and make sure the cracks were still fixed. Once in a while they had to put on a little more glue. Because they did that, the egg stayed strong.

When Dolly got married, her Mom and Dad gave her the egg."Remember what the old woman made us promise? We are supposed to pass the egg down from generation to generation."

So, Dolly took the egg to her new house. She put it on her dresser on the same red velvet pillow.

Her new husband took one look at the egg, raised his eyebrows and said "Really? Why do you want to keep that?"

Dolly took a breath and simply stated "It's a special egg."

Her husband laughed at her. "Special? It's all glued up and doesn't look very pretty."

Dolly tried to explain. "It's special because a long time ago it was was broken and we fixed it and took care of it."

Similar to this story from last time I was in the hospital, my youngest daughter again asked me to tell her a story over the phone when she went to bed this evening. When I finished she said she liked the story, but immediately said "I don't get it." We talked a little bit and eventually she saw it in terms of objects that have sentimental value. That's the perfect take home for a 10 year old. For me, it means a bit more.

On another note, the Expressive Arts Carnival No. 16 will be posted within a few days. So there is still time to send in your entry.

Welcome to Activity No. 16 of the Expressive Arts Carnival for the month of March 2012. Thank you to all who participate and a special welcome if you are new!

This month's theme:

If you have questions on this theme, please ask them in the comments.

Entries are due by Wednesday, March 28, 2012 and will be published shortly thereafter.

You may also feel free to send me a link to a page hosted on your own site (or blog), if you have one. If you do not have a blog post specifically on your entry, and you do have a blog, please tell me if you would like a link to your blog in the carnival. It is important to repeat that nobody is required to have a website in order to participate.

To submit an entry use this link to e-mail: paul@mindparts.org

Please use "EXPRESSIVE ARTS" in the subject heading to help me keep track of submissions. Every submission will receive an acknowledgement of receipt. If you do not receive one within a day or two, then please follow up with me.

If you have questions or need clarifications, direct them to me by e-mail or ask in the comments here.

My last post was a system map, a tool I first wrote about last October. The ability to make such maps is something I have worked to achieve over the course of many years, and I find it to be an invaluable tool.

I am finding it difficult to write in the ways I have become used to here. I do not seem to have a sense of confidence in understanding much about how I use dissociation and how that may be related to others' experiences. I also seem to have difficulty sharing much of anything that is even remotely personal. I feel very much alone in my struggles.

So I will write about what is going on for me somewhat abstractly via the most recent system map from this morning with names of parts removed for safety.

My system maps change regularly, as probably anyone who regularly dissociates. That is not anything new or surprising. In fact, it is one of the more validating tools I have available to me that paints a crystal clear picture of how drastically the elements of my psyche can shift over short (and long) periods of time. It is validating because to make such a map, I need to really be able to check in with all parts of me, and it is clear that what is happening is not simply a mood shift or a influx of thoughts.

This period has been dominated by the resurgence of a particular part who holds an enormous amount of information as well as power. My psyche is very complex right now, more so than usual which is saying quite a lot. Safety has been compromised, but a good deal of information is being shared and connections are being made that I had not even considered in my now two decade journey of healing.

The timing of these shifts is clearly related to the Easter season. They came to a climax on Ash Wednesday last week, a relative benign day when compared to Good Friday or Easter Sunday, holy days which have been dominated in the past by conflicts within and beyond me; about good versus evil, God versus Satan, and the like. These are some of the core conflicts which have never been resolved in relation to my past experience (or understood or even accepted).

They are now pressing for attention. There is no alternative but to dedicate myself to addressing them. Until last night, I felt like a fish out of water. But I was able to communicate internally and information was shared that helped these conflicts be a little less difficult. This system map, then, is a sort of visual representation of how the information has been shared.

Information sharing, a form of internal communication, is perhaps the single most important tool was can have in healing from a dissociative existence. That is a statement I would have scoffed at just a few years ago. I would say "What are you crazy? You have no idea what you are saying!" But I have found that it is true.

Several months ago, I wrote about system maps. I am not writing here much lately, mainly because my life has been so busy.

But even being good at having a busy life can be a problem if you do not take care of yourself along the way. So many times I have found myself flying off the track.

So, I thought I would put up a map I did the other day.