15 Years Ago and the Great Debate
Here is something I recently found that I had written 15 years ago on the Usenet newsgroup sci.skeptics. The title was: "Validity of repressed memories, dissociation, multiplicity."
I have kept quiet about this seemingly endless debate for a long time now. I have not bothered to defend authenticity of repressed memories, validity of dissociation, multiplicity, etc. in the various posts I have read all over the place, until now. I simply keep in mind that everyone thought the world was flat at one time!
We tend to disbelieve things that we do not understand. And this is so unfortunate because it stifles our imagination and creativity as human beings. We are gifted if we have the ability to accept the things we do not know. And are limited if we accept things solely based on proof. Richard Feynman, the great physicist, said this: "I was born not knowing and have only had a little time to change that here and there." Now I am a scientist. And many probably think that scientists only deal with proofs... quite the contrary. Science moves on only when we allow ourselves to journey into the unknown. We have been given a great and wondrous gift, the opportunity to peak through nature's porthole to get a glimpse at what's inside. Let's stop standing at the door arguing whether there is anything inside. And let's just look! So, my friends, let's be humble enough to accept that there are things we do not know, work together to learn more about them, and stop this endless debate.
In the end it's people's experience that is important here. And who are we to tell them that their experience is not real? Let's learn and stop arguing. Besides the good scientists are not the ones arguing, because they know it is much more fun to discover.
So, you people can sit there arguing all you want. But I am going to "look in the door" and try to figure some things out.
I am a little bit blown away by this. It seems I have arrived at a place now that I was already at in 1994! How is that possible? I can't remember that! This changes things dramatically for me.
What surprises me is what happens when you read all the posts in response to my posting. People call me crazy. They said Feynman didn't mean that. That I'm stupid. That I'm being intellectually dishonest. I guess that's not surprising. I didn't post to the trauma group, but rather a science skeptics group. I either was a lot less smart back then or, more likely, I was looking for a fight.
I recently found all my postings to the alt.sex.abuse.recovery newsgroup also from many years ago, well before Web forums and blogs. And I'm shocked at all I found. How was I able to write all that? I have come to believe that I knew a lot back then. But I hadn't the experience to back up what I knew. This is why I have repeatedly said that what has been experienced by me (not just the good, but also the bad) is allowing me to grow in a very special way. This is all truly special. I am not a perpetual victim anymore. I am not looking to define myself by my trauma. Yes, I still have to deal with all of that, but it doesn't define me. I am transformed. Renewed. Living!
6 Comments
Welcome
"Healing from Trauma and Dissociation"
I'm Paul, a father, husband, scientist, educator, photographer and musician. I'm also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
Mind Parts consists of my own insights on the aftermath of childhood sexual abuse, namely trauma stress and the full spectrum of dissociative coping mechanisms, including dissociative identities. Through a blog, I explore the healing process in a variety of ways—using creative contributions of original art, photography, poetry, and music as well as, hopefully, though-provoking essays. Mind Parts is also home to two support services. The quarterly Ezine Trauma Recovery Highlights is a look at some of the best online resources. Also, the monthly Expressive Arts Carnival makes available activities which are published as a group "Carnival."
Comments are welcomed, but if you prefer, you may contact me offline. My belief is that sites like this one can contribute by offering unique perspectives and knowledge, thereby enhancing opportunities not only for survivors but for readers and society as a whole. Namaste!
Hi Paul,
Okay if I did not know already, you are deep. And wise. That much is certain from reading your blog.
Personally i don't have anything from that far back. I tended to destroy my writings the first five years of my healing work. So I have no proof that I was wise. But survivors told me that, so I have to believe that they saw that in me because it was there. And I suppose I would see that way I am is similar to the truths I believed in then, but don't think that I was articulating it as good as you were and are.
Thanks for blogging. I will have to re-read your posts, that is dawning on me.
Kate
Well, I come across deeper in my writing than in real life. The blog has been for more "mature" parts, and I think this will eventually change. It just may take a bit. We'll see what happens. Congratulations on your new blog, too. I put it on my blogroll.
Thanks for putting me on your blogroll. I am adding you to mine as well.
It's easier to be deeper when you have as much time as you need to be articulate. Even so, I appreciate reading your blog. Thanks.
Kate
I think false memory syndrome was introduced by the perps themselves to cover their own arses. I also believe they planted some people to prove their theory.
Fifteen years ago, my parents found the False Memory Syndrome Foundation. It didn't matter that there were Child Services records and court records that documented physical and emotional abuse. It didn't matter that they had owned up to that much of it before. What mattered is that then (15 years ago) I was wrong. I had never been abused, except by my therapist. Yep, the half-dozen therapists I'd had over the years all put horrid memories in my head and convinced me I had DID. Funny thing, when I confronted my parents about their sudden interest in all things FMS, and told them that the FMSF related largely to sexual abuse, they redoubled their efforts and tried to enlist my husband, my boss, and my friends into helping me "see the truth" of my misguided imaginings. Gee, I wonder what they were trying to hide.
When I look at the few writings I have from 15 years ago, I too see wisdom I didn't know I had. I see strength I'd forgotten. I see... someone else.
I had to search for this post, after reading some other more recent ones, and I am not disappointed. It was well worth the effort. I think this is perhaps my favorite post so far! Thank you for posting it.
Thanks again, Inner Family. I think I came out with some of this on other blogs posts but I can't truly remember: But I have had awful problems with denial and using some of the FMS talking points against me. There is, for me, an ebb and flow to this. Sometimes I seem to need to put myself into that denial state. Acceptance can be so hard, even after dealing with something like this for so long and knowing how real it all was and is (as I sit here now). How the mind is able to wish that all away is kind of interesting in itself. I'm sorry you had this experience with your parents. But I am glad that you see that you are very different now than you were 15 years ago. I take it that that's a good thing for you.