Radiating Parts and Finding Balance

In today's post, I continue to explore the many ways in which art can help us make sense of our internal landscape. For those of us who struggle with dissociation, including Dissociative Identity Disorder, we know that describing our experiences, to therapists or even to ourselves, is crucial. I have been fortunate to be exposed to different techniques that help with this challenge. Part of the reason for this blog is to share with others what is working for me (as others share with me what works for them).

Sitting down and writing or drawing or playing music are not particularly difficult endeavors. They are certainly within reach of anyone. But they can help formulate a healing plan. Can you heal by only addressing what goes on inside once or twice a week for an hour in therapy? I used to think so. I was wrong.

Healing, as I am sure many of you found out already, requires a great deal of personal attention. But just as with many other endeavors, there is a somewhat delicate balance that needs to be achieved. Just as you cannot limit your attention to one or two hours a week, you also cannot expand it to a 16 hour a day effort. Somewhere in between these two extremes we must find time to live our lives.

People who deal with dissociation know about extremes. So it may not surprise anyone to realize that finding a "happy medium" with our healing journey may be quite difficult to achieve in practice. Our systems generally were not set up to find a middle ground. I have seen it with myself and see it with many others. Yet, I try very hard to find a balance.

So, coming off the soapbox, I'll tell you what the colored pencil drawing is about. It's pretty much self-explanatory. I spend a few hours in the library (a safe place for me) before therapy. I use this time as "me" time, to expand my focus on myself. Sometimes I do work (like in my job). Other times I listen to music. But most of the time I try to reflect and find perspective. These are the times I bring out my journal and write or draw.

The drawings usually reflects a state of mind or feeling, which can vary widely. But in this particular drawing, I was in a place of acceptance and understanding. I've drawn safe places before, but this was more about representing what I felt was happening inside at that particular moment.

The parts inside are contained (you can see a central circle surrounding them), which my therapist is telling me is always a good thing. Each part (or black circle) has a different diameter representing how much influence or presence the part has in relation to the whole system. Colors radiate from each part, spreading out to infinity. For me this means that I felt connected to the world around me. I was in a good place when I drew this.

Doing an exercise like this is immensely helpful to me. It allows me to appreciate that life is not all about disease and chaos. Sometimes things flow well and connect. And this moderates those times when life isn't so wonderful.