Forced Confrontation
This post gets a trigger warning for talk about a conference for sex offenders.
Many of you know that I took a nice leisurely walk all around Boston with my family and course students last Friday. I felt rather safe. Why shouldn't I? This isn't New York, after all, with cops on every street corner. Or Detroit, the worst crime city in America.
But was my sense of safety a tad misplaced? It so happens that the very day I was walking through safe downtown Boston with my family to see the "tall ships", the national Reform Sex Offender Laws conference was being held, in the same city at an undisclosed hotel. From their site:
Exact conference site information will be mailed to registrants at their mailing address. The Boston site is in downtown Boston, adjacent to the major subway lines. Registrants will also receive hotel information.
Among the topics discussed were "De-Mytholigizing the Sex Offender" and "Sex Offender Civil Rights," and (yes, it's true) "Family Time Get Together". And I see that one of the keynote speakers is a professor at the same college I teach at. How nice.
The conference goals are listed as:
(1) To provide all of us with important information and research that we must know to make our work more effective and to help unmask the mythology used to build the hysteria hindering us at every turn. (2) To examine strategies to bringing about the changes that we seek. We will examine what's working, what is not, and what might work.
And I wonder why I'm sick right now?
It's a bit ironic, because our city made it almost impossible for the "tall ships" to visit Boston. But, if you're a sex offender, you apparently are very welcome.
I'm posting this because I have been incredibly naive about what's happening in the world. I've never imagined there would be such a group and that they would be so brazen.
19 Comments
Leave a new comment
Even with my extensive vocabulary, I don't have any words to express how furious this made me. I'm not surprised that there is a group like this, but I'd certainly like to see sex offender law reform in the other direction ... more along the lines of the no-tolerance drunk driving laws in Sweden. One mistake, and you're out for life. Oh, and -- your colleague needs to have his head examined. At the very least.
I actually, to show how naive I am, was surprised there is a group like this. I thought, certainly if such a group existed, it would be completely underground. But, I was wrong. I do not consider this "fellow" a colleague of mine. BU is also blessed with having Bessel van der Kolk on its faculty, who is inspiring to many survivors.
Wow. I'm stunned. I have heard of groups that try to normalize the idea of man-boy love, but even so, I'm not sure I would even have recognized this group for what it was without your explanation. I would have assumed it was a group that was against sex-offenders and looking for stronger laws...
I am not a prude. I am very open minded in my views of what people should or should not do behind closed doors. Men, women, groups, whatever... it doesn't concern me one way or the othher. However, if one of the people is not mentally able or not allowed the right to say no to the situation, then there is nothing anyone could say that would make it okay. My list would include anyone who was forced when an opportunity arose (rape), or because of socio-economic issues ("pimped out"), anyone with mental illness or retardation, or who was intoxicated, and of course, children.
How could anyone think any of those scenarios was okay?
Human beings should always have a right to decide what happens to their bodies.
Line that got me - "The worst thing a person has ever done in their lives becomes the only thing they have ever done". Yes, it does and so it should! How dare they. I'm beyond words, but I sympathise with how you felt upon reading this Paul.
I agree wholeheartedly. While the vast majority of child abusers commit crimes over and over and over again, it really only takes one single incident to change the direction of a child's life forever. I hope people realize that I didn't post this to trigger anyone or to make my site unsafe. I only posted it because I found out, quite by accident, that this was happening right in front of me. I thought that it would be a good opportunity to take pause and know that we have to be vigilant even when we feel safe.
Gosh, I'm, well I agree with Shen, "stunned."
I believe the human rights direction is moving backwards. Think about it: Here we all are practically hiding while we communicate basically incommunicado helping each other to survive in a world where our most basic human rights have been severely betrayed, whilst all of the reasons we hide, have a very public and ordered rally for THEIR rights.
What the heck is that?
Hope it doesn't give you nightmares.
Ivory, great point. What sickens me is the brazen attitude. I am not surprised of their attitude. This is totally in line with the personality of many child abusers who are arrogant and self-righteous, weak and prey on innocents. Sharing something personal: My abuser had no qualms about hurting me out in the open time after time. And when he was caught, straight out caught, he denied and cried like a baby (or so I'm told). Because he was a priest and this eventually came to superiors, he was called on it and the records I got a few months ago described the meetings he had with these superiors. In one, he showed up to a deposition, which he was required to do in order to continue receiving his monthly stipends, wearing hawaiian shorts and a tank top and it was said that he copped an attitude about his rights and how they were being violated and he was being railroaded. So, this is why this strikes a nerve. My experience is totally in line with these people. It sickens me on so many levels.
I wanted to point out that the following resource was posted on May We Dance Upon Their Graves: 8 Myths About Child Sexual Abuse.
Yes, sick on many levels, and I also see so much truth in what you say about the general attitude of abusers being reflected in this.
My (primary but not only) abuser was my father, and I'm quite sure he has never thought he did anything wrong. He would be totally offended if anyone ever accused him of doing anything morally wrong.
I read their non-specific site. It was so called "protect us from slavery" and "we're outcasts" type stuff. Guess what? Ya should be. They even said the whole thing about priests was taken out of proportion because some of them only did it once and their good deeds shouldn't be canceled because of it. They said some of what was done was "minor".(sigh)
What struck me is how vague they were about which parts of the law needed to be reformed. They didn't say which acts should be considered legal and "harmless" or which acts other than rape should stay on the books. They were extremely vague which should raise suspicion by anyone who would consider signing the reform letter. (sigh) 'Course the only people who will sign it are sex offenders which will let the state know who needs to be watched closely for greater fear of more offenses. I suppose if anything good will come out of that reform letter signing it'll be a list of names of people the state needs to keep a closer eye on. Heck yeah, if it'll do that then by all means let 'em sign it.
Austin
Thanks Austin and Jahda. I also noticed they were non-specific.
This all came to me via a Boston politics site I follow. So, there's a discussion there. Someone brought up scenarios like an 18 year old boy with a 17 year old girl. And an apparent issue that these things are decided by boards and not by judges. And about when the debt to society is paid.
I wrote the following and now I feel like I'm required to argue this.
Of course any attempt to protect society and children from sexual predators through public protections is going to lead to "a few" unfortunate circumstances. These should be addressed. Of course the 18 year old boy who sleeps with a 17 year old girl should be a special situation. But the vast majority are not this situation and I would like to know, and feel I have a right to know, if our neighbor is a convicted child molester while my children are outside playing. By the way, unfortunately also the vast number of child sex abuse cases are not even reported (mainly within family systems). And also the majority of offenders claim they did no wrong (Michael Jackson is not an isolated incident by any means). So, the problem is still minimized despite the abuser's sympathizers claims that this is "hysteria". It's certainly NOT hysteria. This "we are the victims" approach by these folks is baseless. But not surprising. It's typical to disavow responsibility and be brazen about it. Now let's assume that the folks in this organization happen to be all wrongly accused. This still doesn't make it right, because this is not the argument they are making. From their own words, they write: "The worst thing a person has ever done in their lives becomes the only thing they have ever done." To that I say, while the vast majority of child sex abusers commit crimes over and over and over again, it really only takes one single incident to change the direction of a child's life forever. So are we now saying that it's more important to protect the abuser over the victim/survivor?
I'm not sure if my response is good. In typical fashion, I'm doubting myself greatly, thinking people will say I'm being naive.
Wow, I'm sorry you had such an trigger happen right in your own backyard, Paul. I guess the word "safe" is more relative than we sometimes remember...
I noticed they said that too about one act is all that is remembered. I think you are spot on in saying that one act changes a child's life forever.
There is no expiration date for trauma, no notification of "debt paid" and now you're free to sleep and live as if this didn't happen to you. If you destroy a life why on earth would you think it's okay for you to go to public parks, live where you want to live and go about as if your hands are clean just cause you spent a little bit of time behind bars? There's a huge debt to be paid but they aren't even willing to put up a penny's worth of responsibility.
I, by the way, support civil commitment for repeat sex offenders. I also support the death penalty for the rape of a child under the age of nine. If a person decides they can do this to a child then they are unsafe, untreatable and should be put down like the dogs they are. If we put down rabid dogs we should also put down repeat sex offenders. I have no issues with that whatsoever.
You can get life for selling a child drugs three times but not for three charges against children. I'm confused by that.
Austin
They completely fail to see that what they are saying doesn't make sense to normal thinking people. The concept of "it's only one time" means they cannot comprehend the damage done by only one time. They minimize, which is what abusers always do. As a society we do not say "it's only one time" when it comes to murder and I consider child sexual abuse to be in the same ballpark as murder, which is why I agree with you on the death penalty. I have heard child sexual abuse referred to as soul murder, a concept I completely can appreciate.
Paul,
I read the paragraph you wrote above - it is to the point and pointed, as it should be.
As for the line about only one bad thing being the only thing remembered. Aaarrrgggh! This makes me mad (as in angry). Nowadays, people do everything in their power to avoid being responsible for their actions, right down to forming a "group" of sympathizers to help them with their cause. Group think is a dangerous activity.
Hi Paul,
I'm sorry that you went through this trigger and had them in the town you were in, feeling relatively safe.
I went to the site but did not read it all. It was very vague. I'm thinking on purpose. Abusers lack empathy and the ability to understand the impact of their crimes. This is sad and pathetic of them to have a pretense of any longer being human beings. Human beings do not sexually offend against others. Sexual abusers do.
I think that you wrote a very good response. Others perversely misinterpret the words of survivors. Abusers don't need advocates and protectors. Children do.
The worst that I have ever done is not to sexually offend against someone else. I had the ultimate choice in that and they are lying to imply that they did not as well. When I was little and tiny and defenseless others chose to ultimately offend sexually against me. And yes it should be branded on them so others know to shun them. They used to brand people for begging for food. How much worse is what we went through and how much should we do to protect other children from going through that.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
Wow! It does not surprise me, really, but it still can take my breath away.
Death penalty for raping a child under nine? Poor ten year old. As far as I am concerned, when it comes to rape...age is not the issue. But if you want an age limit...18 works for me.
I happen to have a former nephew was an 18 year old with a minor girlfriend...16 or 17, I believe. Her parents claimed statutory rape. Granted..what he did was pretty stupid, but he is now a registered sex offender for life! He could not be around any children...not even his OWN even after he was married...to the SAME girl! I am not sure what his restrictions are now, if any, since we have lost touch. Really, though, it was quite ridiculous.
I have no problem with changing what really does need to be changed. However, the idea of sweeping non-specific reform...NO WAY!! I think the penalties are way too lenient as it is. The child lives with it forever. The perp gets off with a fairly light sentence if you ask me. I think it should be either death or mandatory life...no parole.
I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but I was a criminal justice major and studies law and psych. I can tell you a couple of facts that I know. First, there is NO cure for a pedophile. There is no medication nor is there any counseling/therapy that can cure this. The only rehab they can offer an offender in the system is behavior modification. This is how the laws came about of these "animals" having restrictions on where they could and couldnot live. While their so called groups may be trying to focus on changing laws. Someone will eventually slam them with some hard cold facts, or at least I would hope they do. Second fact is the toughest for me and I am sure for you as well, and that is: A sex offender or pedophile has usually been abusing for a minimum of 5 yes 5 years before he/she is caught, tried and convicted. So for these "animals" to get in their groups and try to act self righteous just blows my mind! Are they ignorant as well as sick? There is no such thing that they did "one act". If that were the case they'd have never been caught most likely. It is extremely rare that a one time offender would exist. Pedophilia is an extreme sickness that these people are obsessed with children. No such thing as a one time accident or mistake. Sorry but these are facts and if anything are minimized facts not exaggerated. Stay safe everyone. I know this is triggering as I am shaking while I write it.
Well said!