Respect, Responsibility, and Water
One of the hallmarks of dissociative disorders, especially dissociative identities, is that systems are designed to remove a holistic sense responsibility and respect on a number of crucial levels. That should not exactly be shocking to anyone because we know that dissociated parts of a psyche generally operate within a limited scope of awareness and autonomy.
The route to healing is increasing that awareness, building collaboration and communication and bringing down the dissociative walls. This is monumental work.
This work directly leads to internal respect and responsibility. As I have healed, one of the benefits I have noticed is a huge shift in these areas. Parts of my psyche who would have no qualms about self-harm in the past, now take pause and consider the impact of their actions on the rest of us. So, respect and responsibility leads to safety. I pay special attention to safety. But it's not only about safety. Parts also need to realize that there are appropriate times for them to be present and inappropriate times. When I am working and teaching a class of adult students, I cannot have a 6 year old part be at the chalkboard. That has happened and it's not pretty.
This is quite a delicate dance I'm sometimes able to achieve. The sense of respect and responsibility is highly dependent on the amount of connection parts have to other parts. This changes drastically over time and is perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of healing.
I'll share what is perhaps an apt analogy. Imagine, for example, a glass of water. The glass sits on a table and when you look at it, everything looks quite calm. If you were given a virtual magnifying glass and allowed to look inside the glass of water, you would see something like the image above, taken from one of my science simulations. Water molecules are, in fact, dancing, joined by a rather intricate set of connections of hydrogen bonds flickering on and off on a scale of picoseconds (or 1,000,000,000,000th of a second).
I often think of my personality system as a network of hydrogen bonds. My goal is to keep my temperature at an optimal level. If the system gets too hot, parts will dissociate away and act autonomously (the hydrogen bonds break and disappear). By contrast, if the system gets too cold, everything becomes so static that it's impossible to move (the bonds become permanent and form a hexagonal grid). In our personality systems, we don't want steam and we don't want ice.
So, next time you drink one of your several 8 oz glasses of water each day for your optimal physical health, realize that the water is doing a dance just like inside your head and that the dance is not a simple one. Know that this ability to keep our systems as liquid water (and not steam or ice) is what gives us a holistic sense of respect and responsibility.
And perhaps you can adopt the motto I have for today: "Water is healing".
13 Comments
Leave a new comment
I understand the analogy you are making. I loved biology in college.
When I get the least upset, there is a huge chance someone else will come out and take over. I think it is also a continual dance - one I sometimes don't want to dance, but I'm not the only one to consider. We are all connected.
Hi Paul,
I think this is a great analogy. I find water very healing. I have a high affinity to water. Thanks.
Good and healing thoughts of water to you.
Kate
I couldn't help but smile about a 6 year old at the chalkboard while teaching. We've also had this happen - thankfully she drew some pictures and didn't speak.
The glass of water is a great metaphor. It often feels as if we're doing so much work just to appear as if the glass of water is calm. Sometimes we do too much, don't communicate or start working in opposite directions and it all breaks down.
I also find that the ocean or any expanse of water is incredibly healing and soothing.
Take care
What a great analogy! Reminds me of that scene in "What the Bleep Do We Know Down the Rabbit Hole"...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpkfCZPblgg
Well this is extremely interesting. I had not known about Dr. Emoto. I will refrain from judgement!
As we are healing also the need to self harm is ceasing. This is happening in, like you said, more holisitic approaches to life. I think as we heal we know we have a good chance of life, whereas before death was always at our door.
You explained this so well. I like your analogies a lot.
Austin
I love the analogy. I think of my boiling point, when I lose my patience. Hope to learn to cool down. I love your motto. I hope you will like what I have taken from your article. I think it is a great addition to what I am doing with July's Blog Carnival. Thanks, friends, mile 191
This is monumental work, indeed. This week, I'm especially exhausted with the enormity of it. Thanks for this post. I like your analogy and your perspective. Thank you so much for allowing us to use this insightful post for THE BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE.
"The route to healing is increasing that awareness, building collaboration and communication and bringing down the dissociative walls. This is monumental work."
I started my journey to wellness from being a victim of childhood incest about 20 years ago. As you stated above, the whole journey began with awareness, support of others and breaking the wall of silence that was created by my abusers and continued by my fears. Thanks for sharing this article.
Hey Paul! This is a fun insight that you describe. Helps to take the edge off it. Recently I have been told by different people what a self-less person I am. While they meant it as a compliment I have recieved it in a way that has caused a lot of turmoil in my head. I guess the part of me I express to others and family is loving, caring and about them to the point where I don't know what I like and want. I kind of feel like a shell of a person. I know that from experiencing a lot of dizziness that the parts are getting riled up over this. Hydrogen atoms crashing around... creating new bonds and bouncing off of each other. I feel so hollow sometimes. Can anyone shed any light on this for me? Thanks for this post... it brightens my outlook on myself and I can use all of that I can get! :)
Nansie, How did you find such an old post? This is from July! It's common for survivors to feel the way you do. But it can change. The other day you posted about your experiences on finding God and how this changed you. So, you know you can change. The experience in this post that led to this analogy is not something I get to experience all that often. It's that very special place when you feel like things are flowing and working together. I recently found some articles which talk about this kind of experience. Search on "flow" and "dissociation" and "psychology" on the Internet. You will find some things like this: "Athletes often recall that their very best performances are accompanied by few thoughts, a feeling of complete control, effortless movements and a sense of being ‘on automatic pilot’. Sport psychologists often refer to this as a ‘state of flow’. The aspects of positive thinking and focus discussed in this article have been shown to increase the likelihood of achieving flow, although environmental factors can also be important." I plan to write more about this. There are a couple of other posts here about this. There's an art post called 'The Core and Flow', an image post titled 'The Tangled Web We Weave, another image titled Symphony of Parts, and A Higher Consciousness Experience.
When I first saw this picture, it looked almost exactly like what I see when I close my eyes. All darkness with specs of light. What is in the light, I am not allowed to see.