Re-entry
On February 1, 2003, the space shuttle Columbia broke up over Texas on re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere.
That is almost exactly how I view coming out of the hospital and re-entering the "real world".
The hospital is a protected ultra-safe environment. The doors are locked. The windows have thick locked mesh screens covering them. Staff checks on you all the time. In fact, every 5 to 30 minutes, depending on how well you are. You cannot use kids scissors unless supervised. No plastic bags.
When you come home, everyone expects that you are better. That is, after all, what hospitals are supposed to do, right? In a certain sense, you are better. I wrote in my last post about how my "acceptance" battery got recharged. That was good.
But there are, of course, other batteries. And the one that gets recharged with rest and relaxation did not get any juice added to it at all. Coming back from the psychiatric hospital is also like coming out of a medical hospital after surgery. It's the same kind of recovery. I've been exhausted.
I finally explained this to my wife yesterday, using the surgery analogy, when she wondered why I ended up in bed all day.
But the re-entry analogy is also apt. In the hospital, you are in a confined space. When you are out of the hospital, there's a rush of sensing. The world seems enormous. This takes a bit of getting used to. I don't think anyone can understand it unless they've experienced it.
Then there's the processing. What was actually done in the hospital over the course of those 15 days? I don't even know. I'm confused about it all. I don't know how to make sense of it. I suppose it will all make sense soon enough.
Image courtesy of NASA.
9 Comments
Welcome
"Healing from Trauma and Dissociation"
I'm Paul, a father, husband, scientist, educator, photographer and musician. I'm also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
Mind Parts consists of my own insights on the aftermath of childhood sexual abuse, namely trauma stress and the full spectrum of dissociative coping mechanisms, including dissociative identities. Through a blog, I explore the healing process in a variety of ways—using creative contributions of original art, photography, poetry, and music as well as, hopefully, though-provoking essays. Mind Parts is also home to two support services. The quarterly Ezine Trauma Recovery Highlights is a look at some of the best online resources. Also, the monthly Expressive Arts Carnival makes available activities which are published as a group "Carnival."
Comments are welcomed, but if you prefer, you may contact me offline. My belief is that sites like this one can contribute by offering unique perspectives and knowledge, thereby enhancing opportunities not only for survivors but for readers and society as a whole. Namaste!
Welcome back, Paul. We are all here cheering you on!
While in hospital you were in a relatively safe place physically, but mentally you were working hard. I hope you can give yourself a chance to recover from the exhaustion and confusion that sort of work can bring.
One day at a time :)
CG
Paul,
Glad to know you have been released and are home. Your analogy helped me to understand what you are feeling. It reminded me of watching farm animals being born. Once they are out, they just lay there, heaving. The world is indeed a traumatizing experience.
Hi Paul,
I haven't ever been in the hospital but what you are saying makes a lot of sense. It might take some time to process for yourself and internally what you experienced while there. Please be as gentle with yourself as you can.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
Thanks everyone. I'm sorry I'm not responding to each comment individually. I guess this is the exhaustion. Truth be told, I'm less motivated right now to even post on the blog, let alone read other blogs. I may just take a little break.
Hey,
What a great description! This is particularly helpful to me, as I've also recently gotten out of the hospital. Best of wishes to you on your 're-entry' process.
-sarah
Hey Paul!
Just cking in on you today. I hope your doing well and recovering nicely. Take your time and rest up...we'll all be here for you when you get back. Best wishes.
Never been in the hospital for anything other than physical stuff. I know others who have, though, and what you describe makes total sense and fits in with what they, too, describe. I think you explained it well.
I wish you well. Take your time. You will get to what is important when you need to. You have a family. They are important, too...more important than a blog!
OneSurvivor: Thanks for the link to your blog. I will check it out. I have taken a little time for myself and, yes, the blog is not as important as some other things. Thanks again.