My Commentary on "The Burden"
If you have not done so already, please see the video post The Burden.
Feel free to add your own commentary to the comments here. I've closed comments on the original post. And, as always, differing opinions and viewpoints are very much welcomed!
My initial reaction was "Wow! I get it!" and instant identification and extreme sadness.
But my next reaction was wondering what the impact might be on people who have not been abused at all. I wondered if only those of us who were abused and damaged in this way would actually "get it". Then I wondered what the person who has been not severely hurt, but had been abused, would think about this. Would they look at this and say "Hey, you're going way to far with this! I was not affected this way and I was abused!"
The goal, obviously, of the advertising is not to reach people like us who are survivors of abuse, were affected in ways depicted in the piece, and who are healing. But if it speaks only to us, then the advertising would most certainly be deemed a failure. Since I cannot see this from any other perspective but my own, I cannot judge its impact on others. Obviously the problem of child sexual abuse is a societal one and awareness needs to be raised in all areas of society for there to be any drastic changes.
To be honest, I don't really worry too much about any of that. I'm concerned, first and foremost, for myself. Because, for me, this piece hits me to the core. Most of us have seen the short film "INSiDE" which focuses on present day impact of abuse through dissociation, specifically dissociative identity disorder. I have seen many movies where kids were abused or hurting or neglected. I can't remember any having such a direct impact on me personally. And I appreciate the fact that "The Burden" makes its point in approximately one minute. I have a short attention span!
What I think the piece does very well, though, is it portrays the fact that there is an outside reality and an inner reality (or "inner child" if you will). I like also that it shows no abuse images whatsoever. This portrays only the child's reality as a child. There's a part that the outside sees, which can be quite normal. And a part that is the inner world of the child, which likely nobody sees. I understand that the long-term effects aren't part of the piece, but then I fear the power would be lessened because it would try to do too many things. I could imagine, actually, a series of follow-up commercials showing each of the long-term impacts of abuse felt in the present which consist of, perhaps, an adult with the child alongside him/her. The commercials could all keep the same theme, perhaps even the same music, but as a campaign, it could make a significant impact. My reference is the Get a Mac ads.
The challenge for me, as someone who struggles mightily with dissociative identity disorder (DID), is to understand the younger parts inside and help them heal. I don't understand them well. I never have. I don't really experience what they experience. So, I rarely get that upset by their plight. This video is a wake up call to me. Not only did it help me to "get it", but it helps me be more committed to helping them.
I do have trouble with the piece saying a part of the child "dies". On one level I can appreciate that statement. On another level, I have a difficult time acknowledging that in myself. Death is a very tricky subject for DID survivors. We tend to think of it differently from others, for a variety of reasons. The impact of severe abuse, though, is not so much parts of us dying, but parts of us being damaged or forever altered. That's the burden! On the other hand, the very heart of DID is the concept of distinct parts of a personality. From my experience, many of those parts remain hidden, sometimes locked away. I would never say that any are "dead". But in many ways they are so hidden away that an objective observer might say they are very close to being "effectively" dead.
Overall, "The Burden" makes me want to reach out to those children inside myself. It's led to a renewal of my determination to heal all of me. And gives me a new perspective on what "all of me" really means. So, the piece helped at least one person. Maybe that's enough to call it a smashing success.
13 Comments
Welcome
"Healing from Trauma and Dissociation"
I'm Paul, a father, husband, scientist, educator, photographer and musician. I'm also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
Mind Parts consists of my own insights on the aftermath of childhood sexual abuse, namely trauma stress and the full spectrum of dissociative coping mechanisms, including dissociative identities. Through a blog, I explore the healing process in a variety of ways—using creative contributions of original art, photography, poetry, and music as well as, hopefully, though-provoking essays. Mind Parts is also home to two support services. The quarterly Ezine Trauma Recovery Highlights is a look at some of the best online resources. Also, the monthly Expressive Arts Carnival makes available activities which are published as a group "Carnival."
Comments are welcomed, but if you prefer, you may contact me offline. My belief is that sites like this one can contribute by offering unique perspectives and knowledge, thereby enhancing opportunities not only for survivors but for readers and society as a whole. Namaste!
Yes! I do agree with what you said to a point. My question is: if not for us, then who? I don't agree with your saying that this advertisement would be deemed a failure if it only reached us survivors. In a lot of the cases of abuse it gets passed down from generation to generation. What if this ad speaks to an abuser who was re-enacting what was done to them? Would this not be considered a major break through? Or in your case Paul, where it has awakened in you the response to reach your inner children. Perhaps there are a number of us who will not continue the cycle of abuse on our children because of our healing journey, but we do continue the cycle on ourselves!! We continue to do self-harm kind of things that are counter-productive to our healing. What if each one of us could find enough healing in our lives to impact only 2 people? The whole concept of putting it forward would be a global movement towards eradicating abuse. There is no ad that could be evoking the kinds of things that are being discussed here. Opinions are a dime a dozen, but real change comes one person at a time who has walked the walk and made it to the other side. The piece about part of the child dying...for me speaks about changing who I was meant to be forever. I can't get that back no matter how hard I try.
"the quiet one", I tend to have a negative view of abusers and have a hard time imagining that something like this would change them. But maybe that's my clear bias. My cynical view is that most would scoff at it as excessively dramatic. Or think that what they are doing is perfectly acceptable. I am so glad to see, though, some advertising dollars spent on this! I am a bit saddened by the fact that the English version has a much less powerful statement made at the end. What's the problem with being blunt and being heavy when it comes to a subject that is so hugely important. The problem is mind boggling when you consider the child prostitution trafficking and third-world abuses in places like Africa. The scale of child destruction is unfathomable. And, while I have no problem with the endless advertisements on protecting the environment by shutting off your lights, this problem is woefully under-represented, even in the US.
This definitely gets to me, sings to me, rings in my ears and speaks to me. I think that anyone, abused or not, who is curious enough to watch it and read the words will be touched in some way. It's a visual "Ah-ha". This was actually very difficult for me to watch, I had to leave and then go back again. It hurt, it remembered, it made me feel what the little boy was feeling. I think for every abused child, there is a part of him or her self who holds back natural growth into adulthood. There is that need to hide that part of us, the part who needs to be protected, who has been damaged and who often cannot function as a normal child has a right to do. Yes, this video is worth it.
Just a reminder: Many abusers have been abused, but of the great number of people who have been abused, not a large percentage of those are abusers. I learned in my psychology classes and sociology classes that being abused does not make a person an abuser themselves.
Ivory, I so much appreciate your views. It gives me a little pain that I put something up that was hard for you to watch. But I am glad you got something out of it and thought it was "worth it". As I reflect more on this, I tend to think that I lived a very similar childhood to that boy, but really didn't much realize that was what I was doing, except only in rare moments of awareness. I think the scale of suffering grew as I got older. Back then, it was just "my life". I just "survived". I didn't know any better. I think this is one of the acknowledged reasons for why dissociative coping breaks down and why trauma manifests itself later in life. Notice how the alive boy just carries on like normal. This is the essence of what the experience for me was as a kid. That's why it hit me so hard and that's why I think it's truly superb.
When viewing this ad in isolation, I wonder about it's purpose... Was it meaning to reach the survivor, the perpetrator or the general public? It obviously touched a group of survivors, some of us in a way that will hopefully lead to avenues of further healing, so it hasn't been a failure. If you consider that the population of survivors is in the millions, may be that potential target audience is what they were aiming for...
My main problem with this ad, is that it's beautifully made, but I don't think that the general public know what to do about any reaction they experience from it. Will it encourage them to look at children differently? Will it encourage them to report anything suspicious? I know these questions all arise because of my issues and background; but for me identifying, preventing and pro-actively stopping child abuse is vital. I also know that it isn't the full picture - we need survivors to heal and perpetrators to be stopped and prosecuted. I think this is why I like your idea about a series of ads Paul, with each depicting different life stages, situations and messages.
As an aside, I wanted to find out more about the ad so did some research. I found a site that had an accompanying print ad for the tv commercial, so it does look as if it was part of a campaign. I found the print ad too triggering to add a link from someone else's blog; but it was concentrating on increasing awareness and raising funds for the Casa do Menor organisation which advocates for minor's rights and fights against abuse in Africa and Brazil.
I'm one of the survivors that The Quiet One talks about... I continue to abuse myself, although I would never intentionally hurt anything else. I struggle to see the child in the ad as being any part of me, although I identify with the idea and feeling. Interestingly enough, I'm aware that ones within show a great deal of frustration towards the hurt boy - why won't you move... come on, it's not that bad... stop playing games...
If nothing else, the ad has created discussion... that alone can mean it's a success.
Take care,
CG
I agree with you Castorgirl. And I think it's brave of you to say that you continue to abuse yourself. I think a good many of us do that, so please do not feel alone. That print ad you mention is on the link to the Casa do Menor website I referenced in the video post. The print ad did not generate that big a response in me. I don't know why and I'm not going to get myself worked up over that fact. But I do remember seeing a video posted on YouTube that was very similar but in video form. That had a huge impact on me. I thought it was on your channel, Castorgirl, but I see it was not. I will try to find it.
Hmmmmm. I too wonder about the purpose of this short film, which seems useful only in providing a metaphor for abuse survivors to understand themselves.
I cannot imagine it inspiring someone who wasn't abused, or someone who is an abuser, to do anything other than shrug in vague curiosity.
I contrast this, as far as effectiveness, with the ad about child emotional abuse ... I think you posted it here once; the photograph of the child's face, with all the ugly words written on it, and the message that verbal abuse leaves permanent scars. I think that was much easier to relate to, and much more arresting as far as the impact of the message on people who might observe or be aware of abuse.
The other thing about this that strikes me as rather peculiar is that Casa do Menor seems to be a charity reaching out to homeless/street children, and yet the images in the film are of a perfectly normal middle-class child in a middle-class lifestyle. Is the idea that a child abused in this way is more likely to become a street person?
Hi David! Yes, I noticed the "street kids" focus of the organization versus the kids in the print and video ads. I think there's no relationship implied or declared. From what I read, this was all done with donated services. But to get airtime or ad space, you obviously need real money. So, I don't know what the story is behind all of this. I don't get the sense that any of this is any large scale effort. I was thinking of trying to get in touch with them. But I don't know what purpose that would serve. No, I didn't post an emotional abuse image here. I don't recall seeing it either. But I am curious to see if there is a clearinghouse, so to speak, of child abuse advocacy ads or other media that may be worthwhile for someone like me to go to now and again. For me, seeing things like this video breaks down the natural tendency to deny my own history and this is never good for me.
The very first thing I noticed is that they used a little boy and not a little girl. I like that.
The commercials that are running right now in my state show a little girl w/ an abusive mother. They show her in public and around people but I think the commercial you posted showed the feelings of an abused child. It showed how alone we feel we are, how isolated we feel or felt and how we literally carry ourselves from one thing to the next wishing we could be like "them" but knowing full well we're carrying a burden, a secret.
That's a very powerful commercial.
Austin
Hi Austin! I'm glad you appreciate that this is quite different from the stereotypical abuse commercial.
Hello Paul!
My old laptop died and it was a long time in getting a new computer. I am finally on a two week break and finally catching up with everyone, missed reading/hearing from you.
I had the "Wow!" reaction on this as well and ...yeah, not sure this ad would really have that effect on anyone who hasn't lived a life like that. I think a lot of people I know would just think "That was creepy. What's for lunch?" but when ever an ad like this comes on when I'm around a group of people the room just gets quiet, people start fidgeting, struggle to find some topic of small talk, etc. Here I am sitting thinking "Wow! I so relate to that."
I don't quite relate to the part of me is dead thing either. I suppose when I'm in those really dark moments maybe I do. For me it's more like some part of me is just lost. In someways maybe that part is lost forever, just because childhood was not a normal childhood. I try to make up for that a lot but I can't get the actual one back. But, yeah I relate a lot to the little boy looking normal, doing normal activities but having to drag himself around. It's a lot like my insiders who "carried" me around while I was too exhausted/asleep. Still have some days like that ha! Not many but a few.
To me this is a very powerful video. I can relate to it on a very deep level. I was that child on the outside pretending that everything was normal, hiding and dragging around that inner child who was anything but normal. The thing for me that the dead child represents was my childhood. After the incest started, I wasn't a child any more. It felt like a part of me---my childhood innocense and joy---died. I was alive but with sad eyes. I have always wondered why nobody noticed my sad eyes and asked why. I see the sadness so clearly in all of my childhood pictures.
If this video touches the heart of one person and changes them, then it has done its work. When one person changes, those around him/her changes as well.
Thanks Patricia.