Cop Dreams

It was not long ago in Piano Dream that I wrote about my recent resurgence in dreams and nightmares. I do not quite have an explanation for all this new sleep activity. But it was pretty absent for some time (like close to a year I would guess).

I find it difficult to talk directly about what is going on in my life, and maybe that is why I am having these dreams. So, instead of telling you about all my problems in plain language, I thought I would cast them all in the recent dream.

So, in my dream I was a cop for the college I teach at. Strange how it happened. I was doing work stuff. My boss was trying to get me to have lunch with someone I know about some research I am doing. He was rushing me and I was already so busy trying to get things done. Somehow I just became a cop, like a switch, and apparently I was on duty.

Almost immediately I came across these two people, man and woman, acting drunk and going down the street on scooters in the middle of traffic. The man was overweight and the woman was rather hardened looking and had that drug addict look. They both were unkempt. But I do not at all remember their faces. I got them off the street and had them sit in the atrium of a big building at the college. I then went off to do something else. I was so busy.

The woman then asked why I was just leaving them there. They wanted to leave. I said I was letting them cool off a bit and I would talk to them soon. Then I noticed the woman was having sex with the man and she was not at all being discreet about it. I got embarrassed a bit and told others what was going on and said something like "How am I going to approach this one?"

I did eventually talk to them. I then put them in some sort of police van. And we were in some sort of snowstorm. It got a little heated. It was then the woman came out and said that they sexually abuse their children. She said something about doing sexual things to them and teaching them how to do things to each other; and implied that they were left home all the time and had no interaction with the outside world.

I exploded. I immediately said they were under arrest. The man tried to escape. I chased him. He got in a car. I had my gun pulled on him. I took a warning shot through the window. Then all hell broke loose in the streets. I dragged him out and somehow he pulled a knife and stabbed himself. I was so mad because I wanted him not to die and see him get justice. But I saw it was not a deep wound.

The woman was near him and I don't know what was going on at this point. It was crazy because there were lots of cops there now. One of the cops did get stabbed in the shoulder. I had someone call an ambulance because I was determined to make sure the arrested man was okay. Apparently, I was in charge of everything. Because everyone kept coming to me to ask me what to do.

At that point, I almost forgot that I had to go over to where their kids lived. I was about to do that, when I realized I should not go over alone or alone as a male. So, I asked a female cop to come with me. I somehow thought that piece through carefully. On one level, I thought that if I went in alone, nobody would believe me. I also thought I could be accused of abuse. I also thought that the kids would not trust me to tell me what was going on; but I mostly reality checked that last point only because I had a sense I would be able to get them to tell me. So, we went to the house. It was a rundown townhouse. There was scrambling when we got to the door. We thought the kids were being taken away. We pulled our guns. We knocked down the door. I woke up.

So, that was the dream. And many others are variants of this; like two nights ago I was in a warehouse and was shooting zombies (sort of like Rambo). There is some context for these dreams. During the time period I was getting abused in real life, I used to fantasize about actually being a cop. The priest who abused me was a chaplain for the police and fire, and somehow I got a hold of one of the badges. This went on through high school. It was very strange for me. I also was an EMT in high school, and taking the Boston public transport in the 80s to school was filled with real-world violence. There were frequently stabbings and the sort, and I would sometimes be a first responder. At one point, when I revealed this in therapy, it was suggested to me that part of me did that in order to make myself feel safe and protected. It is interesting that many of my dreams revolve around these kind of dynamics.