The Aftermath
In Blending, I talked about how I navigated through Halloween and a short hospital stay which led to increasing my level of acceptance. I almost never leave the hospital so quickly. And probably for good reason. I ended up back inpatient in exactly a week.
What I believed was acceptance was more a mirage. I asked to leave based on what was really only a minute amount of internal communication. It was not enough to leave here confidently. But I did anyway.
While I did well for several days, everything collapsed in a matter of hours. The memories that surfaced on Halloween, the ones I thought were attended to, came rushing back with a force greater than I could have ever imagined.
As I wrote in the earlier posts, I had been trying to do the work I knew I needed to as an outpatient, but just today I realized why that is so hard. Being a Dad, husband, and working has to be protected on the "outside." This means simply that I am not that willing to allow myself to be vulnerable as an outpatient. While normally this is a good boundary, it can get in the way when a step forward in healing work needs to be done.
This is why I have always used the hospital to help me with these big pieces of work. My time in the hospital has been hard. This is more normal for me here. Physical pain ramps up. I get memory flooding. I lose time. I have difficulty maintaining control. I get little to no night sleep (or sleep all the time).
Stopping eating and drinking, an old coping strategy, seemed like the only way out. The only way to control things. After several days, today I made the decision to begin eating and drinking again, for I was getting rather ill. The price was just too high. And, deep inside, I knew I was just postponing facing things.
Over the weekend, I did a good deal of art. I made 10 important pieces (one of them is shown above). Today with "My Healing Guide," I tried to make sense of them and put them into context. As I did, everything kind of started to fall into place. I saw the 10 art pieces as telling a story. A story I could never tell with words alone. And a story I could never tell outpatient.
We went through the images quickly because we were short on time. And she clearly tried to help me move towards a place of acceptance. This was truly hard for me. It has not been at all easy to accept that some of the abuse was at the hands of multiple abusers (or "organized torture" to use my doctor's words that sent me over the edge on Friday). While, I have always known bits and pieces of these memories since the early 90s, it was always much easier for me to think they were false memories. That I make them up. To deny.
But one of the biggest lessons I have learned over the past couple years of healing is that to deny sets up a conflict with specific parts, and leads to self-abuse that recreates it all. So, really the only path to healing is to accept the truths we hold inside. Today I was telling myself that I would not be going through so much internal struggle and pain and self-abuse if there was not truth to the memories which have haunted me for years.
This afternoon, I did not go to any groups. Instead, I stayed in a sort of sleep-awake state, processing. I was getting titrated memories and there was some kind of communication going on internally. Most of it was about acceptance. It was interesting that I was not flooded with memories. I cannot even say for sure what the images were. But I am certain I was trying to put everything in its place.
Normally, when I make this kind of progress like today, I say I have done enough in the hospital and start to advocate to leave. But I do not have the sense I am over any hump. As soon as I moved towards acceptance, and started taking in liquids again, the physical pain came back. I will give myself more time here. And I am not certain where this stay will take me. So much has happened already in such a short time.
What I will work on now is to be gentle with myself. To continue to try to eat and drink enough. To accept as much as I can. To not push the memories away, but to contain them safely. I will continue to express myself through art and writing in my journals.
I also know I need to find a way to talk about the overwhelming material outside of the hospital. I know how to do a lot of things. But this is one skill I have not quite mastered. The question for me is: How do I handle the responsibilities of life while at the same time make progress on what is held in parts of me and needs to be addressed and healed?
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Hey Paul...I hope you are feeling better soon! I have no clear answers on dealing with this material while carrying on in regular life. Would it be possible to map out or organize each day with some down time for addressing stuff within? I know sometimes it doesn't happen that way but it's just a thought. If your parts have their own time each day to communicate with you maybe that will suffice enough to allow you to carry on with the other stuff you need to do too. I know that when memories come back to me they are in the form of facts without emotion. I am able to take in the facts and then after a while the emotion creeps in. I still dissociate away this if I have to. Where ever I am and what ever I am doing I can stop and reframe myself to the situation and the rest goes on hold. When my mind and emotion spins out of control I take xanax...I know this isn't a great thing to do but it does break the cycle going on in my head and then I can catch my breath again.
I have noticed that you have never really written about what happened to you. I respect that but wonder why your holding it back and would it help you to get it out there? It's such hard stuff I know but it's gotta come out in order to heal it and reprocess it in a more healthy way now. I hope I haven't offended you and I truly want the best for you....BIG HUGS and I hope your ok.
Hi Nansie, Yes, I hope so too. While this problem of working on material and keeping a regular life is hard and I complain about how hard it is, I think I strike a decent balance. I have talked about my history only in a way that is safest for me. I have clear boundaries on what I want to share, partly for my own safety but partly for the safety of my readers. I'm a firm believer that traumatic content should not be shared publicly because of the impact on others. This is what therapists are for, I think. As always, thanks for stopping by.
I'm kinda with you and on the fence about disclosing trauma....I could argue for either side....I guess. haha You sound like your doing better....fingers crossed. Take care!
Nansie, It may help you with the "on the fence" issue if you think about it from the point of view of maintaining the safety of your readers. I can't argue the side of disclosing trauma details on a blog. I have had to stop reading so many blogs because of their trigger potential. If the point of disclosing trauma details on a web site is to validate them, there are safer and better ways, I think, to do that. I am asked this question a lot, and I suggest to people to do a pros and cons.
Paul,
It's good to see a post from you. I've been thinking, 'I wonder how he's getting on.' It sounds like you're making great, but painful, progress. I'm happy for you, in a way. I'm glad you're making headway. Still, it's certainly not easy or pleasant work.
"The question for me is: How do I handle the responsibilities of life while at the same time make progress on what is held in parts of me and needs to be addressed and healed?"
Yes. That is a question that looms large for me too. It's a balancing act, and not one I'm good at.
Take good care of yourself.
Holly. Thanks for thinking of me! Yes, a balancing act... one I'm not always good at, but one I'm determined to take on.
Hi Paul,
I'm glad you are in a place where you are safe to process these difficult memories.
I'm not sure what the answer to your question is, but I know that you have support and love around you. It isn't perfect, but it's there. That, in combination with your intelligence and determination, give me confidence that you will find a way to somehow make it work.
Stunning picture... heartbreakingly stunning.
Take care,
CG
As always, thank you CG. Motivating words... It's good to have a cheerleader!!!
Is there irony in that fact that I'm the most cynical person I know, yet you're the second person to call me a cheerleader :)
I think it takes a long time to be able to do memory and assimilation outside of a hospital setting in a situation such as yours, Paul.
I'm glad you have a safe place to come together; I'm also glad that you know your limits. Doing such intense work is exhausting and leaves little energy for much else.
Wishing you the best,
~meredith~
Meredith, thank you. I agree it's hard work. But I also believe it can be done.
Paul, hope you are taking good care of yourself. Glad you made such a leap. Whilst my intense trauma therapy meant every day to return home int the eve, I can relate to the situation of not knowing how to integrate the healing into the daily life! And I didnt have to juggle a husband, kids etc. I feel I would seek "time off" in a hospital too. Not everything is possible. We are human not machines and can't master all and everything. To be honest, if this would work for me and I would have no other way to deal with it, I would do exactly this way. Taking time off, even if that means inpatient. Please take gentle care of you.
Paula, Funny, in all you told me about your intense therapy, I assumed you stayed as a resident. So, that must have been really hard for you. Yes, this is the place I have come to... that I have realized that there are simply times when I must be inpatient and take time off.
I personally do not think what I did in the last 6 years can be done while living any kind of normal life. I am only willing to change my evaluation with some information that contradicts this understanding. "Some do" is not information, it is a platitude made from a place of ignorance.
I have never had a brain aneurysm. I liken the current thinking of healing from extreme trauma similar to telling a stroke victim to sometimes not have the effect of the stroke and then at other time have the effect and heal at that time. PTSD is 24/7 and so is healing from it.
I accepted that I could not live a normal life and heal. I accepted this was another loss. I loss I had to choose or not heal.
I come up for air to be with those I love and to make enough money to heal. That is what is required to heal from my experiences.
I do not have the option of doing trauma work in a hospital setting with my therapist and created a life that allowed me to do the trauma work within the context of a therapeutic relationship while alone.
The world can not imagine how hard the work I have had to do is. They lack the capacity to understand and think that they do.
For me the torture that I experienced was a different dynamic than sexual abuse and had to be processed differently just as being abused by a group is different than being abuse by a pedophile or a group of pedophiles.
Hi Michael,
While I respect the difficulties you are encountering as you heal from your experiences, I do not think attacking other survivors gets any of us anywhere. Instead of spreading doubt, negativity and narrow viewpoints; the basics of empathy, consideration and understanding are so much more powerful. If these are not possible, then silence is.
"Some do" is not quoted in any research paper that I have read; but stories of hope are often found there. Those stories might be disguised in amongst statistics, but they are there. In the comment above, you have not only trampled on Paul's hopes, but also the hopes of all other survivors. How dare you impose that on us.
Paul, I am sorry that you recieve such comments. As I said above, you have love and support around you. Don't forget that.
Take care,
CG
Hi Castorgirl,
I reread my comment that was not meant to in anyway to be an attack. I am well capable of making an attack and that is not it.
The reference to "some do" has been often spoken to me typically when explaining that the reason I am in a hospital is my lack of ability to pace, I conclude it it is the difficulty of the task.
My research did not discover a person who has healed from extreme trauma and had any kind of normal life while doing it, quite the opposite they all found it very hard, distressing and very disruptive so I concluded that was realistic to expect and found it helpful to accept that as reality.
I in no way was trampled on any hopes of healing if someone has hopes of healing and living a normal life I happen to conclude believe it is not possible it is to difficult.
If you research indicates I am incorrect I would find it helpful if you were to let me know what you discovered. I would love to be wrong,I would love to follow in their footsteps.
Not an a attack a statement; I do not accept that you or anyone else is the voice of all survivors hopes.
Michael, I would not respond in this way had you not made your comment in the way you did, as an attack. But consider what I'm about to say constructive. I am sorry you have not had any semblance of a normal life while you have done hard work. But you sound bitter. You may want to consider that your continuing to blame your problems on others instead of solving them is your problem. Also, what do you gain from continually saying that you experience is worse than others? That your trauma is unique, that your work is on a different plane than others, that your multiplicity is nothing like anyone else, that your memory works like nobody else's ever has, that you are brilliant and others are dumb (yet you are sucked in for a long time by someone like Kathy Broady when it took me a relatively short time to realize she is an enemy to the survivor community). You can believe whatever you want about yourself, but it doesn't make them necessarily true. If you want to make a bubble around yourself, go ahead. But this is where the true ignorance lies. Of course people can do amazing things and I don't see balancing a normal life with healing as anything so undoable. A double amputee has scaled Mount Everest. The Chilean miners were saved. Human history is filled with examples that "anything is possible." Yet you think healing from PTSD can only be a 24/7 deal and you almost never consider someone else's view as one that you may learn from. I am sorry you only see things in that way. I am sorry you lack hope, for yourself and hope for others.
Hi Michael,
I subscribe to comments on this post of Paul's via email and read this one of yours while I was out this morning or I would have commented right away. Unlike CG and Paul, I am so grateful to have read your words. I hold both CG and Paul in high esteem and don't want to minimize their thoughts or feelings so you should know that what you said here meant a lot to me or I wouldn't risk hurting or offending either one of them by thanking you for saying something that bothered them.
It's just that for me, what you said was incredibly validating. In my original comment to Paul on this post I wrote, "I don't have any hope that it's possible at all," in reference to successfully handling the responsibilities of life while healing. I deleted it, though, before submitting my comment as I decided I was being defeatist. So when I got your comment in my inbox today, I felt relieved. You put into words what I could not.
I try so hard to have "a normal life." In some ways it's a source of pride for me. I stubbornly insist on trying to create something that, deep down, I'm not sure is possible.
I hope - Paul and CG - that what I've said doesn't feel disrespectful to you. I really just felt so validated by what Michael said and immediately wanted to thank him. I considered not doing so after I read your comments, but then decided to try and say what I intended to as respectfully as possible. I hope I've accomplished that.
Holly, I can see how you think CG and I may have over-reacted. I can read Michael's comments quickly and not get too upset. But when you look at some of the statements, and these have been said repeatedly online and offline over a couple years, there is a line crossed here that I did not think was appropriate and I took offense to, that you are not privy to. What is someone supposed to do when their position is repeatedly called "ignorant"? His line about not having the option to do healing work in a hospital was a jab at me because he knows me from the very hospital I goto inpatient, and has continually said that I get some kind of special care that he does not. Yet, while he rails on the fact that I have access to care and he seems to want it, he also says that experts/treaters cannot ever understand him or help him and he has no use for them. The fact of the matter is that while my therapist does work on the unit I go to, a fact Michael is fond of telling, I do not receive any sort of daily care from her that is different from anyone else.
I'm sorry, Paul. I don't believe and certainly didn't mean to insinuate that you or CG overreacted at all. I could tell from your comment that there is history there that I know nothing about. I by no means am under the impression that I could judge from where I sit what your reaction to Michael's comment should or shouldn't be. It just meant something to me, on its own, and I wanted to say so. Thank you for letting me.
I probably shouldn't have. I apologize. Both to you and to CG.
Holly. No problem.
Hi Holly,
The key aspect in your comment was that you decided to delete a phrase that you thought of as defeatist. Whether that was for your own needs, or to show empathy and respect for Paul, I'm not sure. But it shows that you were thinking through what you were writing, and how it would be perceived by others (including those within your system). That is what I was trying to communicate to Michael; that there is a time and place for empathy, challenging others ideas and for showing respect through silence.
In this post, Paul had indicated that he was inpatient and had been struggling with the basics of eating and drinking. Is that really a time to be talking about there being no hope for a normal life while healing?
I fully accept that life with any DD is difficult. I'm not trying to discount how difficult this healing journey can be. I might be being too optimistic, but I would like to see the survivor community respect each other. We don't need to fight about who has the worst past or present... there are enough people out there willing to do that to us, and for us.
I'm currently compiling some research in response to Michael's request; I'll post it when I get a chance.
Take care,
CG
Hi CG,
"Whether that was for your own needs, or to show empathy and respect for Paul, I'm not sure. But it shows that you were thinking through what you were writing, and how it would be perceived by others (including those within your system)."
You're right. I deleted the phrase because I thought, 'this isn't about me, this is about Paul.'
"Is that really a time to be talking about there being no hope for a normal life while healing?"
No.
"I might be being too optimistic, but I would like to see the survivor community respect each other. We don't need to fight about who has the worst past or present... there are enough people out there willing to do that to us, and for us."
Again, you're right. Thank you for your feedback, CG.
I am happy if people use what I write here as a prompt to think about and even talk about their own experiences. I really don't intend for Mind Parts to be all about me and I don't look only for empathy. I'm happy for discourse and even disagreement. I try to write most of my posts based on what I'm going through but always come back to how it may relate to others, with the intention that others may take something I am writing about and apply it to themselves. I believe we are more similar than different, a view I think Michael does not share. So, in this post, while understandably this was more about me than most other posts, since I am after all in a hospital, I was ending with the big question about how to balance healing with managing life. It's fine for someone to comment that they personally have not been able to do that. It's not fine to comment that I am deluding myself by thinking I can.
Holly,
You are most welcome.
I think we have all established that this is all very hard.
Michael
So anyone got any information about anyone who has healed from extreme trauma who has not gone through a period where they have not lead a normal life while doing it? Or does the point of my original comment stand?
As I wrote this occurred to me. If a person who has experienced extreme trauma decided to go to therapy and the therapist was competent that person worked hard and while doing so lived a normal lie. I would likely never know, it would not be noteworthy. Interesting.
Paul you evaluation of me is not creditable.
Michael, I am sorry I said things in such a direct way, and sorry I made my reaction bigger than perhaps it should have been. I am sorry if I hurt you. I will try to say things a bit more gently and hopefully redeem myself. Let me ask you why you have to qualify "extreme" trauma all the time? What is extreme trauma? My belief is that you get yourself into trouble when you separate yourself from all others. Your statement here about a "period where they have not lead a normal life" is different from what you've said before. You said you made a choice that you can no longer lead a normal life and heal because of your trauma. That's a different statement. Of course many people go through periods where they are unable to live a normal life, from your class of "extreme" trauma to things like date rape or even bullying in school (as in the case in South Hadley, MA where a girl committed suicide as a result of bullying). If someone takes their own life, I consider what caused it to be extreme. So we come at it from different places. Maybe for some reason you need to qualify and compare people's experiences and traumas. I don't find that helpful. I think it's barking up the wrong tree. In my original post, my question at the end asked about how to balance living a life (I didn't say normal) with healing. My life is normal enough for me. My children think I a great Dad, that's all I need to validate my approach.
Paul,
I use the term extreme trauma to mean trauma that is so extreme it causes CPTSD until healed. I am not differentiating my trauma for anyone else in treatment.
I would refer to the trauma that I know you have experienced as extreme trauma.
I am not bothered in the least.
I find it helpful to know that different traumas have "different" effects. Not worse than different. It is different to process being a prostitute than being abused by a pedophile. etc. That has been my experience. I flat out am in awe of anyone who heals from abuse by family and I know nothing about that.
You comment about how I feel about the treatment I receive now and your treatment is unfounded, untrue and not what I said. You and I had a private discussion where I contented that you and I are both very lucky to receive the treatment that we receive and it is not always possible or easy to get help. You at the time contended I was incorrect and I do believe you have changed your mind.
I have no idea what the Kathy Broady thing is about perhaps you have me confused with someone else.
Michael, You and I have a disagreement about access to care. I take a more hopeful approach. I will grant you that finding good care is not easy. But I do think it's possible to get good care. Yes, I consider myself lucky. But, as evidence that it's possible to have access to care, I submit the example that there is a patient here who is on Medicaid who has 4 outpatient therapists. As I said to Carla, I will address Kathy Broady, Discussing Dissociation, later. It was not the right context to bring her up, and perhaps this should be done offline, but you have made comments on her site to the effect that she really gets it. And I can tell you that I found that ironic. Clearly we have disagreements on who gets it and who does not. I can tell you Kathy Broady not only does not get it, she is not a safe person. I will address this head on soon.
Paul I really have no opinion about Kathy Broady. I may have once agreed with something she said. She may have really got one part of something that she addressed.
I do not think or feel that we are more similar than different. Pretty much I do object when people speak for survivors as a homogeneous group. I find it incorrect and disrespectful when people speak for me or my experiences.
I may drop the extreme trauma phrase that I use. I have to think about it as I would like a way to differentiate between trauma than trauma that is possible to process with out help.
OK, Michael. Again, I'm sorry that I over-reacted to your original comment. Things are really in flux here. Plus to make matters worse I have been running a fever for several days.
Paul, why do you think that Kathy Broady is an enemy to the survivor community? I have just started to visit her site and would be interested in your opinion of her.
Carla, Maybe here in the comments was not the right place to say what I said. But I stand by my comment and will address it at some point in the near future.
I think your right on that Paul. I know on my blog I hesitate sometimes to write stuff but then I think if I need to write about it then I need to and I can always put a warning in the title. As far as details of the abuse, that's a tuffy for me. I don't think I could do that with anyone other than my T. Although I am amazed at the details I have put up so far. Then I go back over it and analyze it. I always get the facts in my memory and then somewhere down the road comes the emotion. I try to prepare if I can because the pain can be so intense and scarey sometimes.
I would like to add some input to Michael's "extreme" trauma. We don't get to label someone elses trauma in life... they do. Trauma and its intensity gets to be decided by the person who went through it. As victims/survivors we all know that we must address how we handled the trauma in our lives and no one else gets to say or decide if our trauma was severe or not. All trauma is severe when you are a child with NO resources or help. End of story.
If there is one thing we all exercise here consistently is RESPECTING someone else's pain in life. We know first hand the damage pain can do, especially when you are not equiped to deal with it (as children). I think it would be a pointless venture to try to label or categorize trauma as severe or mild, etc. It is about the person who experienced it and nothing else. Healing needs to happen and damages addressed. Again I would stress that when you are a young child ANY TRAUMA IS SEVERE!! Children are just not meant to experience trauma.
Michael, I hear you trying to grasp for facts or statistics or case studies here. Well good luck with that. DID was historically recognized as possession or witchcraft. We don't really have a lot of documented case studies that will give us lots of info because we are still dealing with the politics of even getting it validated and recognized my medical insurance companies, who, by the way, dictate our medical care now. If they can get anything like this dismissed then think of all the money they save? More to it but I would take over Paul's blog writing it all...lol.
Also Michael, if we convince ourselves that our problems, symptoms and illnesses are the worst and separate from everyone else's then we get to let ourselves off the hook a little bit from the hard work it takes to take on the battle within that it takes to heal. I believe the hardest fight in the world is the fight we have with ourselves to not accept but to challenge and work to get to a higher level of functioning. Each level higher increases normalcy, funtioning, strength to continue and the confidence that one can do this. If healing wasn't possible, insurance companies would use that to end these approaches to treatment. Sometimes as the client, when frustration mounts or the healing process is slower than we would like it can be easy to fear that we can't be helped and will be stuck here in the struggles we've been carrying throughout our lives. From your post I sense that you may have lost hope in your struggle... I am sorry if that's the case. Sometimes our battle becomes fighting just to hang onto the hope.
Also Michael (I'm almost done... lol), because you know Paul and your eyes have met... pain to pain... you are on double duty to be doubly respectful and non-judgmental to Paul. When we meet face to face so much more vulnerability goes on the table. Especially when you meet inpatient the way you and Paul did. I have been there enough to know that compassion and understanding are the buzz words... nothing else.
Nansie, I won't address everything you wrote here. I agree with the essentials of what you write about the context of trauma. But I will say that while there is certainly controversy over DID, there is not anywhere near the level that there once was. Also, did you really mean to say "compassion and understanding are the buzz words"? Or did you mean to say that they are paramount? To say they are the buzz words implies they aren't important.
Sorry Paul... haha I meant paramount! I know the controversy on DID isn't as bad as it used to be but it still has so far to go!! At least in my experience it does.
The way I could safely process is to allow myself to become focused and involved in my school classes. I tend to become laser-beam focused when I'm slightly overwhelmed with things to do. While I'm somewhat distracted from my memories, it gives my "others" a chance to process. I let the memories come, I let the memories form a little at a time. I didn't control any of it, it just happened. Until I stopped trying to force it, the memories wouldn't come slowly, they came in blurps and avalanches. I couldn't cope with them that way. I hope you are eating/drinking now and gaining strength.
Ivory, Thank you. Interesting, that your approach is something that I cannot do. When I am laser-beam focused, I tend to not have good access and put myself at risk. One of the things I have realized in my blogging tenure is that there is no right way to heal and each of us has different approaches.
Hi Paul, it sounds like you are processing a lot of deep stuff.
I'm not sure that it is always possible to address deep stuff in normal life. Traditionally there were religions and rituals which broke up the normal daily round and in some ways allowed stuff to be dealt with (even if in not very sophisticated ways). They were time out of the normal daily groove - and so perhaps we need this (and lots of support) to deal with the difficult stuff.
Evan, Thanks! I processed some, then retreated. I tend to agree that certain things have to be dealt with away from "normal life". The goal, I think, is to minimize the impact on normal life while continuing to do the healing work.
I started using the term extreme abuse when I first saw the term used in a survey. I took a list of some of the experiences from Ellen Lacter's web site and posted them on my blog.
Wow Paul you have so much support here! I hope you see that and let it carry you for a while.
I was trying to think of how to reply to this post and 30+ people already got on to talk to you, I was so happy to see that. I'm glad you went to the hospital. Safe is good. As for balancing the need to heal and process etc. with daily life? I ended up in the hospital enough that my husband finally realized that I was serious when I said I couldn't work anymore and that I needed more help. He didn't really get it until a couple of years ago and it took some serious discussions in combination with several hospitalizations for it to get through. But it did get through. Can you talk, I mean really talk, to your family about what you need and want so you can function out in the world? I mean a sit down, cards on the table, hammer out the details, family plan. Bring everyone on board as a team so everyone feels like they're working together.
You have to take care of you, you deserve it :)
Tai, Thank you for your suggestions. Maybe I didn't make it clear here: I do function quite well in the world. I have a vibrant family life. And I am so determined to still work. I have cut back on work, I work at home a lot now and don't go into the office daily like I once did. But I do think one can indeed balance a normal life and do tough healing work. Sometimes, yes, it means I have to come to the hospital. And while this does put a stress on the family, especially with my wife, it's manageable. We make it work. Fortunately this is definitely not the worst thing for my family. I try to say that if it were a chronic medical condition, it would most certainly be worse.
Woops I think I didn't type that the way I wanted *cringe* by "function" I was talking about your last sentence :"How do I handle the responsibilities of life while at the same time make progress on what is held in parts of me and needs to be addressed and healed?"
Sorry for the misunderstanding, I'm really stepping in it today :)
I'm glad your family life is vibrant. What a great word, I love it! and I'm glad you are able to continue working and that you've found a balance in that area as well. Good for you and I hope you continue to mend. You're a really strong, intelligent person you know?
Thanks Tai. No problems. I don't really feel so strong or intelligent. But thank you for the compliment!