Expressive Arts Carnival No. 7: Self Portrait

Welcome to the January 2011 edition of the Expressive Arts Carnival. This month's theme, see announcement, was to "create a self portrait."

It is my policy to not comment on art in the Carnival itself, as I feel as though it is not my place to put words to others' art, especially healing art. This is why it is the words of the artists themselves talking about their entries. But certainly if discussions ensue in the comments, I am happy to talk about the art in any way that's appropriate and encourage others to do so.

For a more traditional view, here are the entries in the order received. As usual, if there is a blog post with more details, the artist's name will have a link to it.

Entry 1: Shen

Shen wrote: "I did the drawing series this morning as a distraction. I was hoping to head off this depression, but no such luck. It's taking hold very strongly, a reaction both to the latest outburst from my father, and to the integration of an eight-year-old who never knew my sister actually left. She's grieving, I guess... and I guess that means I am as well."

Entry 2: Castorgirl

Castorgirl wrote: "It's difficult to portray to the world how you see yourself, when you know that your self image is so twisted.  I can see myself as innocent, guilty, fat, thin, ugly, dirty, disgusting, etc all at once. There is an added layer of confusion, when you see yourself as a reflection of those around you.  The most obvious example of this is when I was growing up, I was constantly comparing myself to the sister.  She always seemed to be able to garner the attention of the parents that I so desperately wanted.  I never seemed to be able to get it though, no matter how much I tried."

Entry 3: Holly

Holly wrote: "Creating this self portrait helped illuminate for me why I feel so unseen. Everything people find interesting or special about me belongs to other parts of my system. Without them, I am a blank slate, invisible."

Entry 4: Ivory

Ivory wrote: "This picture tells a story. At times, I feel like a puppet, broken. Even so, there is no one controlling the strings, leaving me helpless, too. While my emotions are often twirling, the rest of me is rigid and stagnate. All too often, I find myself unable to move forward, yet there is no one and nothing in my way. It was drawn in a PTSD flashback during a class on abnormal psychology. The instructor was talking about how when a person is diagnosed with DID, he/she is immediately taken to a "facility" best equipped to handle "that kind of thing." The year was 2006. That lecture was deeply disturbing and I don't remember actually drawing the stick man, but I remember thinking that I was very broken. I didn't realize until after the daily 4 hour class that instead of taking notes, an alter had drawn how she was feeling, the way "he" was making her think about herself.  The picture is hand drawn, then scanned and put into PaintShop Pro X. I added some brown chalk coloring  for fill in and then I believe I used the "Artistic Effects" of Contours."

Entry 5: Nansie

Nansie wrote: "This was me at 5 years old on my first grade picture. I was already a shell of a person and the bubbles around me represent the parts of me that had already become separate. They are all around me at their earliest beginnings."

Entry 6: Katie

Katie wrote: "Though initially I was reluctant to focus on myself so directly as in making a self-portrait, this experience helped me see where I am today. Things about myself I feel good about, and areas in which I still struggle."

Entry 7: Kylie

Kylie wrote: "I wanted to show how much hurt I still feel inside from my past; I wanted to show how fractured I feel living with DID but I also wanted to acknowledge how much I have achieved in healing and how much my self esteem has improved in the last few years. As well as showing how broken I sometimes feel with so many parts, I thought that the broken mirror was an apt metaphor for how the abuse has distorted my view of myself.

Entry 8: Thesamesky

Thesamesky wrote: "This is a picture I drew in July 2008, a representation of the physical and emotional barriers I put up to keep me safe. Unfortunately this also prevents others from getting close enough to touch and comfort  me. I drew this in response to my counsellors observation about being uncertain whether or not it was safe to come near me, not being sure what reaction she might get. The girl is perhaps so hurt that she  doesn't trust the hands that might help her. I really enjoyed doing this piece. It was one of the first times I had ever attempted artwork in relation to therapy and expressing an image, and I was pleasantly surprised at the results. Using the charcoal to create the surrounding shadow was particularly therapeutic (I used my fingers!) And writing words to create the barrier was helpful because it got them down on the paper."

Entry 9: Paul

I wrote: "I did this in stages in a direct attempt to reconnect inside. The first stage was just the circle of my head and a circle for my mouth. We stopped and talked about it a little bit. The second stage added the strong black slanted lines for the closed eyes and "My Healing Guide" said "that changes it quite a bit." I then (quite deliberately) blackened in the mouth. Then I dirtied up the face. Each time she said what I was doing was changing the message of the image a lot."

Entry 10: Kerro

Kerro wrote: "The Polyvore set shows more about how I see myself in relation to the world. It isn't the happy, positive image I had hoped to create, though I'm comfortable with how it turned out. I am small, in a very big world. I am colourless, in a world of colour. I am ugly, in a world of beauty. I am invisible, in a world of light. I'm different; I'm an outsider. I am hiding my face because I've never felt worthy. That is changing, but I've still got a way to go."

Entry 11: Kathleen

Kathleen wrote: "This is a self portrait I completed in an inpatient art therapy group awhile ago and is now hanging in my art therapy show at Lesley University. It was from a time when I was feeling particularly disconnected and all my parts had no clue what the others were doing. I was feeling that I/we had hypersensitivity (vision, sight, hearing) and yet at the same time, oppositionally,  disconnected and somewhat numb/floaty too. Kind of like my world was being taken in by 7 different reports and nothing added up to a remotely similar story."

Entry 12: Wantstorun

Wantstorun wrote: "The girl facing the mirror represents me presently; I don't "see" myself in the mirror most often, but instead I see or feel those other parts that are around (through) the mirror (not the entire system, but some representatives)." This piece is done with mixed media of colored pencils, compact pastels, and collage.

Entry 13: OneSurvivor

OneSurvivor wrote: "For 'Woman with Dreams' I did a collage that represented my whole system. Then I did a subset of 5 collages that represented particular aspects of myself. This is number 5. All six really go together as a set, but I chose this one for the Carnival because of what it expresses: hope. I have notes for each one except this one. I wonder if that is because dreams are always changing on some level and I did not want to lock into anything. Whatever my dreams for my life are, at any given moment, I believe they may be reflected on some level within this collage."

That's all folks! Thanks to all those who contributed. If you think this Carnival is worthwhile, then let others know about it and we can continue to increase the contributors for future months.