Has the Roller Coaster Ride Stopped?

I know it has been a long time since I have been writing regularly here. I have been keeping regular entries in my journal, but this has always been the place where I try to "collect my thoughts," make a bit more sense, put the pieces together, and gain some perspective for myself.

So, I am glad to be back!

I have this gut feeling that I am on a bit more stable ground. And it does not take more than a few seconds to look back here and see that my sporadic posts over the past few months of summer have been mainly about having no traction and then finding some stability.

Back and forth it has gone... Super functional when needed. Sometimes collapsing. Some great accomplishments at work that sort of spoke to me "It's okay keep going like you are!" Great alliances with my kids accompanied by huge meltdowns. The same type of alliances with my wife and also large fights.

Sounds like the stuff of normal everyday life, right?

It would be, except for the fact that there have fairly often been complete breakdowns in safety. That is not acceptable anymore, but yet I have been handling these huge lapses in very old ways, by getting up, dusting myself off and moving on to the next item on my list.

I have been hoping the new school year for my kids would bring some much-needed structure back into my own life and help me slow the pace down. I do not really know how it happened, but the past year has been about taking on more and more; partly because I felt like I needed to, but also because I knew I could. My schedule has been so busy that I have not been able to have any consistent time for self-care. There has been only a bit of self-care here and there, but mostly everything else in my life has come first. As a result, those little bits have not been enough to keep me safe or allow me to feel like my life is under control.

There might as well be a giant red flag flapping in front of my face. And I have to wonder, "Is this your garden variety "workaholic" mode meant to foster distraction and denial?"

I know, because I have done it many times before, that if I set limits for myself, practice more self-care, and do "less", that there are huge benefits. I can often be more productive in all facets of my life and be much happier and achieve more "wellness" as an added bonus.

We are now two weeks into the new school year, and nearly three months since the old school year ended, and only today does it truly feel like there is real settling. Real slowing.

Could it be that I have been on a three-month long roller coaster ride and it is now just coming to a halt? If so, what a waste. My hands weren't even up in the air!