A Healing Journey

Or, an alternative title could be "Why This Site Exists".

This page was originally very different from what it is now. It was the main page for this site before it was a blog and it was focused on an experience I had of achieving "enlightenment" and how I thought it meant I had finished my healing journey. I don't want to devalue that experience or say it didn't happen. I just need now, though, to put it into perspective and learn from it.

Here's the short one paragraph version. I was abused mainly by a priest in the late 70s and early 80s, but survived by compartmentalizing very well. My healing journey began in 1991, shortly after college. It probably began before that in some fashion, but I first asked for help and got treatment at that time. I collapsed in a matter of minutes from a triggering event in the present. I quickly became incredibly symptomatic. I was flooded with memories and flashbacks and completely overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, suicidal, self-harming and eating disordered. Looking back, I know that my dissociative defenses that had worked for so long, just completely collapsed. It was a long journey to get healthy. There were many hospitalizations and much effort on behalf of my therapists (and myself). There were suicide attempts, three of which were very serious. After several years, I got myself stable and stopped therapy. I married, had children, bought a house, and built up my career. But all the while, I was secretly self-harming and denying. During that time away from therapy, I blamed the hospital and my treaters for causing my dissociative disorder and for exaggerating my memories. I guess this was the only way I could live back then. I needed to think I didn't really have problems. In 2002, the Boston clergy abuse crisis occurred, my abuser's name started appearing in newspaper articles, and I had another collapse. I started therapy again and there were more hospitalizations. This was my second time around and I think I have done better this time. I was a bit older and wiser and this helped me tremendously. I started making connections and changing behaviors. I addressed head on this problem of dissociation and dissociated identities. In 2008, I switched approaches somewhat and switched main therapists. My healing work is different now and therapy is now more for "all of me". I changed my lifestyle and stopped working all the time. I learned to journal. I learned to nurture myself. In September 2008, I had an experience which I called enlightenment at the time. It was enormous for me. I started this site to document what happened. To my dismay, I wasn't able to stay at that wonderful place, but that experience nurtures me every day and helps me move forward. I still have huge difficulties, but I know I am healing.

That's the short version.

For the long version, you'll have to read the posts I make on this site. The site will document my healing journey in a way that hopefully helps not only me but others. I'll write about the healing process and everything related to dissociation and trauma. I'll share with you some of my art therapy work, photography and piano performances. These are all accessible through the categories listed on the main page.

Or you can access the Highlighted Articles, a 'best of' collection of what's on Mind Parts (as chosen by me)!

Please feel free to write me if you have questions, comments, or to connect. Send mail to: paul@mindparts.org.

The logo above is one of two designed in Summer 2008 by fellow survivors I met online to increase DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and other dissociative disorders awareness. If you are interested in purchasing a pin, follow this link.