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In Part I, we looked at ten iPhone/iPod Touch essential Apps for healing. In this Part II, we look at an additional ten. They are arguably no less important than the ones listed previously. Just different.

11. Boost 3D. In Part 1, I introduced a couple of grounding games, Peggle and Bookworm. I find those to be most helpful when I am very dissociated and need to engage in something that is not at all taxing. A step or two (or more) is the arcade-style Boost 3D, shown in the image above. It is a 3D tunnel obstacle course that is absolutely mind bending. My personal best is 2100, and after you get past 800, you enter into the "zone" and if you are having any other troubles, this game will surely take you away from them for a time. There are a couple of other notable arcade-style games I want to mention. Doodle Jump brings back a "Frogger-like" obstacle course that is downright nerve-wracking. Homerun Battle places you at home plate and your task is to hit the ball out of the park, and allows you to pit your skills against anyone on the Internet. All three of these games use the built-in "accelerometer" capabilities of the iPhone, iPod Touch, and iPad.

12. Labyrinth 2. If your taste is more on the intellectual side, puzzle games may interest you. Labyrinth 2 is a new twist on the old wooden "ball-in-hole" game. The goal is still the same: get the ball in the hole. But the twise is that there are fascinating obstacles added and an endless series of levels. For more puzzle-type games, check out Cross Fingers, a pure puzzle game. Also, Finger Physics challenges you to build interesting structures while obeying the laws of physics.

13. Facebook. No "top list" would be complete without the Facebook App. Now don't misunderstand me, I'm not a huge Facebook fan. But there are times when it's nice to catch up on what your friends are up to. It's a bit of a time waster.

14. Pranayama. If you are aware that your breathing is tied to level of relaxation and you have trouble in that area, then this is a good App. You can select from different breathing patterns, timings, and lengths and follow along with the realistic representation of a person.

15. Yoga in Bed. This is a guided yoga practice that you can do in your bed. I like it because it's geared towards people who do not need to do much physical activity to gain benefit from it. The fact that it's in your bed, makes it very easy to do.

16. Relax with Andrew Johnson. This is a guided relaxation App narrated by Andrew Johnson who has a calming Scottish accent. You can customize the guide by deciding on a sort of long introduction and the length. Another notable relaxation App is Pzizz sleep. This is a little more customizable and variable, but I don't like it as much. It allows you to mix the levels of the music versus the vocals. Both of these I find secondary to Joy of Being which I discussed previously.

17. Inkling. This is a great drawing App. Very simple as it only draws in "ink" color. You simply move your finger slowly for fine lines and the faster you move, the wider the lines. Such a simple concept, but you can do so much with it. And because of its simplicity, it's a good one to turn to if you need to ground yourself. Another notable App is Pollock. It has much more flexibility. Also very simple. But allows you to draw in colors, and randomly places "Pollock" like splotches when you draw.

18. FitnessBuilder. This allows you to create simple and elaborate fitness routines from a huge database. Many don't require any equipment. There are several fitness calculators that help you reach your goals as well as a log. Another App that many love is iFitness, which is quite similar and achieves the same results.

19. Pandora and TuneIn Radio. Internet radio has revolutionized, I think, how we listen to music. Pandora and TuneIn Radio are two of the best, although they approach things slightly differently. Pandora allows you to create your custom stations where you select artists or songs (as many as you wish) and the software will search its "music genome" to play songs for you that match the characteristics of what you've chosen. You can then mix your personalized stations to create basically anything you want. TuneIn Radio is a bit more traditional. You still can select genres of music, but you can also tune into broadcasts from actual radio stations. Both are excellent and will open up the musical world to you.

20. Navigon GPS. If you dissociate like I do, then you may often find yourself in the middle of nowhere and not know how to get home. This is where GPS systems come in really handy. I only have experience with Navigon. I think others are similar, most notably TomTom.

Hope you enjoyed the lists.

Reminder that the deadline for submissions to the Expressive Arts Activity No. 2 is tomorrow, July 19. If you are on the fence about whether to submit, I hope you do decide to.

The iPhone is unquestionably the greatest advance in technology I have ever experienced. Yes, I had an Apple in the 80s which defined the personal computer. I worked on mainframe supercomputers with their ability to compute real-time graphics, pretty much all of which you can now do on a capable laptop. I suffered through dialup from home at a time when the pipe dream was that eventually we could stream movies into our bedrooms, which has now happened.

The iPhone (and indeed iPad and to some extent the iPod Touch) are better than all those advances. Maybe that is a little unfair. I mean these new technologies do build on prior technologies. But what you can do with these little "i" devices is just absolutely unparalleled, especially since the technologies are "always on" and "at your fingertips."

I know iPhones, iPod Touches, and iPads are expensive, but they can be invaluable tools for the child abuse survivor. Since I have had my iPhone for the past year and a half, I have turned it into quite the tool for healing. I have downloaded (and paid for) hundreds of Apps. Most of them were horrible. So, I am hoping that my experience can help others in selecting the really good ones.

Here's a list of 10 Apps, plus a few more, that every survivor's iPhone (or iPod Touch) should have on it. Of course, it is nice to have an iPhone because of the constant network access even away from a wireless router. I find this a necessity for me. But it may not be for you. My kids and wife, for example, are plenty happy with their iPod Touches.

1. iPills. Everyone who uses medications on an as needed basis should have a medication logging App. While there are many out there, I have found iPills to be the best for me because it sports the least onerous entry system. I do not use it to log standing medications. As long as you are taking standing medications every day, I find that the time it takes to enter them kind of defeats the purpose of the software. You enter medications in the "My Pills" tab and can change the shape, size and color of the pill. I usually put the strength in the name, like "Klonopin .5mg". And, since I am only tracking PRN usage, I enter "As Needed" for dosing interval and "Any Time" for time of day. What's good about this App, is that it tracks the time taken, but you can still go back and enter data from a previous day if you forgot. Here's how I use this App: At the end of every month, I have the App email me the 30 day history and I log in table format usage of medications. This helps me to keep within usage goals and track trends for things like benzodiazepines and pain medicines.

2. Lifelog. It takes a little while to figure out how to use this App. It is nothing more than a tracking program. It allows you to build custom log "cards" (like diary cards) to track symptoms, feelings, pain, or anything you can rate on a numeric scale. It also does data analysis by showing correlations between variables and displays output numerically or in charts and graphs. I use it in two ways. For one, I use it as a customized "mood and safety monitor." In this card, I use it to track, on a scale of 1-10, acceptance, happiness, anger, fear/anxiety, fatigue, physical pain, dissociation level, and overall safety rating. On another card, I use it as a twice daily check-in with parts, having all the parts listed by name and I go down the list and mindfully check in, selecting all 1s as I go down the list.

3. IM+. I find texting on an iPhone to be absolutely painful. If you have a PC or laptop in front of you, you are much better off choosing one of those. But it is good for quick contact with others, and on the iPad it is actually quite good. IM+ is a do all messaging App that allows access to all the major messaging services like Yahoo! and AOL. This App stands out from some others because it is a universal App (meaning it also works on the iPad). There are other notable messengers. WhatsApp allows messaging between "i" devices only (like iPhone to iPhone or iPod Touch, etc.) through the use of unique identifiers coded to the phone. Also, the built-in iPhone MMS Messaging, which makes use of your cell carrier's messaging services is also a good choice (and probably the most reliable).

4. iPod, Mail, and Safari. Well, let's face it, the iPod revolutionized music delivery when launched in late 2001. It is quite nice to have all your music on your phone. But, I will admit that I prefer a dedicated hardware iPod. Call me old fashioned. Either way, you need music to be accessible. It is one of nature's best medicines. Mail and Safari are also equally dispensable. Technically, while these are all Apps, they are built into the iPhone and iPod Touch. So, I almost did not include it for that reason.

5. WebMD and Epocrates. Do you want to read all the patient information on a particular medication? No problem. WebMD has every possible medication it its database. You can find what the medication is for, what are the possible side effects, and view pill pictures. You can also look up information on diseases and common medication conditions. Equally indispensable is Epocrates (or Medscape). One of them should exist right alongside WebMD. They both contain prescribing information geared towards medical professionals. They also allow you to browse drugs by class, which is particularly helpful.

6. iSSH. I questioned whether to put this on here, because it requires a good deal of technical effort and I may use it in a way that is not common to others. I will probably expand on this as a technical "how to" in a future post. I use iSSH exclusively to enter posts into my private electronic journal. This App is a front end, it allows me to log into one of my computer servers and run a script that does the data entry. The key here is the script. Without the script, the App is pretty much useless. There is one major requirement: you need to have a computer server which you can log into via the ssh protocol. In my follow up post, I will make the case for why you should have your own server and tell you how to do it. Another, similar, App is FTPOnTheGo. It allows me to send images and other data from my iPhone to directories in my private journal. So, for example, I use it to send audio recordings, paintings, etc.

7. Sketchbook Mobile. This is probably the most full-featured drawing App and it is universal. It allows for the creation of up to six layers. It has a huge 1024x682 pixel canvas size. You can save images to the built-in gallery, and export them to your iPhone Photos gallery or email them. I export to the iPhone gallery then use FTPOnTheGo to upload it to my private journal. Then I use another script in iSSH which includes the image in the journal and allows me to enter some descriptive text. Another notable App is Brushes, but I find it a bit more cumbersome to use. In Part II, I will look at additional drawing Apps.

8. Peggle. This is perhaps the most grounding game ever (see image above). When one dissociates wildly, being able to ground is a must. This is where iPhone and iPod Touch games come in very handy. Peggle is the first game I used for this purpose, and is still one of the main ones I goto in a tough situation. The object of the game is simple. You have a ball shooter at the top and the object of the game is to clear all the orange pegs with the 10 balls you have. Simple. Addictive. Grounding. Pop Cap Games, Inc. also has other very worthy games. Perhaps one of the best is Bookworm, which is a scrabble type game. Part II will look at additional games.

9. Ambiance. Do you remember those sound effects records from long ago? Well, Ambiance is a bit of that, but totally awesome! Ambiance connects to a sound repository and allows you to download sound clips and import them into the App. Rain, birds, forests, rushing rivers, you name it, Ambiance has it, and they add more free sounds every week. What makes this App truly wonderful is that you can create your own custom mixes of several sounds and make your very own relaxation sound machine.

10. Joy of Being. This App is "da bomb." There are three beautifully scripted guided meditations, titled River, Forest, and Beach. They are each about 10 minutes long and are focused on positive and healthy grounding which help you to connect with nature and inside. I have talked to the author of this App and I have been told they have scripted additional meditations and are soon going to record them.

I hope you enjoyed this list. I will post Part II by early next week.

If you have not done so already, please see the video post The Burden.

Feel free to add your own commentary to the comments here. I've closed comments on the original post. And, as always, differing opinions and viewpoints are very much welcomed!

My initial reaction was "Wow! I get it!" and instant identification and extreme sadness.

But my next reaction was wondering what the impact might be on people who have not been abused at all. I wondered if only those of us who were abused and damaged in this way would actually "get it". Then I wondered what the person who has been not severely hurt, but had been abused, would think about this. Would they look at this and say "Hey, you're going way to far with this! I was not affected this way and I was abused!"

The goal, obviously, of the advertising is not to reach people like us who are survivors of abuse, were affected in ways depicted in the piece, and who are healing. But if it speaks only to us, then the advertising would most certainly be deemed a failure. Since I cannot see this from any other perspective but my own, I cannot judge its impact on others. Obviously the problem of child sexual abuse is a societal one and awareness needs to be raised in all areas of society for there to be any drastic changes.

To be honest, I don't really worry too much about any of that. I'm concerned, first and foremost, for myself. Because, for me, this piece hits me to the core. Most of us have seen the short film "INSiDE" which focuses on present day impact of abuse through dissociation, specifically dissociative identity disorder. I have seen many movies where kids were abused or hurting or neglected. I can't remember any having such a direct impact on me personally. And I appreciate the fact that "The Burden" makes its point in approximately one minute. I have a short attention span!

What I think the piece does very well, though, is it portrays the fact that there is an outside reality and an inner reality (or "inner child" if you will). I like also that it shows no abuse images whatsoever. This portrays only the child's reality as a child. There's a part that the outside sees, which can be quite normal. And a part that is the inner world of the child, which likely nobody sees. I understand that the long-term effects aren't part of the piece, but then I fear the power would be lessened because it would try to do too many things. I could imagine, actually, a series of follow-up commercials showing each of the long-term impacts of abuse felt in the present which consist of, perhaps, an adult with the child alongside him/her. The commercials could all keep the same theme, perhaps even the same music, but as a campaign, it could make a significant impact. My reference is the Get a Mac ads.

The challenge for me, as someone who struggles mightily with dissociative identity disorder (DID), is to understand the younger parts inside and help them heal. I don't understand them well. I never have. I don't really experience what they experience. So, I rarely get that upset by their plight. This video is a wake up call to me. Not only did it help me to "get it", but it helps me be more committed to helping them.

I do have trouble with the piece saying a part of the child "dies". On one level I can appreciate that statement. On another level, I have a difficult time acknowledging that in myself. Death is a very tricky subject for DID survivors. We tend to think of it differently from others, for a variety of reasons. The impact of severe abuse, though, is not so much parts of us dying, but parts of us being damaged or forever altered. That's the burden! On the other hand, the very heart of DID is the concept of distinct parts of a personality. From my experience, many of those parts remain hidden, sometimes locked away. I would never say that any are "dead". But in many ways they are so hidden away that an objective observer might say they are very close to being "effectively" dead.

Overall, "The Burden" makes me want to reach out to those children inside myself. It's led to a renewal of my determination to heal all of me. And gives me a new perspective on what "all of me" really means. So, the piece helped at least one person. Maybe that's enough to call it a smashing success.

I don't know a huge amount about Colin Ross. But I do know he's on the front lines of dissociative and dissociative identity disorder (DID) "research". I have read much of the research out there as I am sure many of you do too, including by Bessel van der Kolk and Onno van der Hart. I read the ISST&D Journal.

A friend of mine forwarded this to me and, well, I was kind of shocked. This video shows Dr. Colin Ross claiming he's invented a device which captures his eyebeams.

I don't think he's really "working" on this, as such. I hope this is just a fascination of his. He's obviously not thought much of the ramifications. He is a doctor and, as such, lives in a scientific world and a special community. If I did something like this, I would probably lose my career, or be severely ridiculed, which he is. I know Ross has done many good things, but this action signifies that he doesn't think things through because all this is is simply fodder for those who are against him. If he were my patient, I would say he was being reckless.

For me I take this personally, because I do believe in all forms of dissociation and DID and I do believe in RA/SRA. But many others do not. And since he is a leading voice for DID and RA/SRA, then he is hurting the cause greatly. He has a certain responsibility, and he's not holding up his end. He should let vision/neuroscience people worry about how vision works. Vision does not work the way he says it does. It simply doesn't.

This post explores, in a very small way, how film and media help us make sense of our experiences.

Much has been made of the Showtime series "US of Tara" which is about a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). I only saw the first episode and didn't like it much at all. ISST&D praises Tara and provides running commentaries. I am actually quite offended by the show and feel like it's exploitation. I think, in the end, it only serves to further stigmatize dissociation (and DID), making very real problems less mainstream and more fringe than they already are. Given that, I think ISST&D's support is not helpful and misplaced. From the first episode, I did not feel as though the way the family accepted Tara's DID was real. The portrayal was too dramatic for me. Sure there are times when the parts are separate and they have conversations with family members and there is drama; but usually it's not like that at all. Most multiples I know with families hide their DID to the extreme.

If you want to watch something that's quite good and maybe much more relevant, even to those of us with dissociative disorders and trauma histories, take a look at HBO's "In Treatment". The characters are much more real and the acting is better. If you are interested in how people think and how people interact in the context of therapy, then this is a great show. How can this help you heal? Maybe this is a leap, but I think it's helpful for those of us who deal with dissociation and DID to realize that there are many problems we deal with that many others deal with also.

In an April 30th interview with Terry Gross on NPR's Fresh Air, Gabriel Byrne who plays Dr. Paul Weston on the show, gave his take on what he thinks about therapy: "I think what a good psychotherapist does, I imagine, is that they help you to write the real narrative of your life and come to terms with it, because I think we have a tendency when we talk about our lives to kind of magnify certain things and give them an importance, idealize certain things and be in denial about other things. And looking at the narrative of your life and how that influences who you are as an adult cannot be but I think a good process." Basically, he's saying that therapy helps you put your life into context. For me, this is what I see as my main task.

Or if you prefer a quote from someone more legitimate, Sigmund Freud (whose birthday was yesterday) said: "The aim of psychoanalysis is to relieve people of their neurotic unhappiness so that they can be normally unhappy."

I kind of like Byrne's quote better. More optimistic. But, who knows, maybe Freud's is more realistic.

In addition to television, I've seen one short film and one song that spoke to me recently, both I've found posted on the blogs I follow.

The first is the short film INSiDE, directed by Trevor Sands. Powerful! This is very real and accurate, at least to me. I talked to my psychiatrist about it who also watched it. He wondered how much it mirrors the experience of people who deal with DID. I can understand that point of view, and said that of course it is not accurate for most of my life. But there are times when I slide up the dissociative ladder and life is almost exactly like how it was portrayed in this short film. These extreme experiences don't get reported because how do you report them? Usually they are forgotten or misremembered. This is where the real work is for us, though. Despite these extremes, we can learn to stay present and even document these experiences.

The second is the song "100 Years" by Five for Fighting. This song is about a man about to turn 100, reflecting on his life. I couldn't help but see the parallel with my own life. This is all about what being multiple is about. While we all have the ability to look back on our lives and reflect, for a multiple we are constantly looking at life through different lenses. I've rather taken to playing this song on piano and it's been a bit healing for me. Another song I've been playing lately on the piano is "Hallelulah" written by Leonard Cohen. The best recording I've found is a live version by K.D. Lang performed at the 2005 Juno Awards. This piece was played on the closing credits for the 2006 documentary "Deliver us From Evil" about the Catholic clergy abuse crisis. I'll write more about that at some other time.

I'd love to hear what your take is on what I've written about, and feel free to post here media which you find helpful.

External Links:

• Showtime's United States of Tara
• ISST&D Commentaries on United States of Tara
• HBO's In Treatment
• INSiDE, a short film about DID.
• Five for Fighting, band who wrote "100 Years" (where you can find lyrics).
• Hallelujah lyrics.